I am sitting here at my computer deleting fb friends one by one.
Why?
We'll get to that in a minute.
I am a little shocked how hard it is deleting each and every person.
As I get to most faces, I am sad and wonder, "Why am I doing this? What was my purpose again? Why can't I see their cute family pictures and see their funny posts/ inspiring posts?"
Then as I get to others, I am relieved to delete.
Then, as I keep going, I "unfriend" some and think, "Wow- this is like deleting my life- my memories with them. There they go. That was a happy time"
Continuing on I reflect that most of these people probably don't know or really care what's going on in my life.
Still going, some people I really don't want lose contact with. I am happy that I've sent an email to them and that those wanting to stay in contact with me have emailed me back with their info! I am happy that those people cared.
What? Still 295 to go? This is going to take forever.
"Unfriend-ing" is so harsh. It's almost like it's real or something.
Then I'm worried, "What if someone's feelings get hurt that I didn't realize does want to be in my life and we've just lost contact over time and I delete them?"
Will anyone even know I'm gone?
Is facebook one of those things that people only know you are there when you are posting things in their faces?
Some faces it's easy to love them still, yet know that our lives are in different places now.
Others still it's hard to let go even when I know they are not in my life. Why? There is some forgiveness and letting go that needs to happen with these ones.
And yet there are still others, I delete easily, wishing them the happiest life and knowing that our time is over and has been for some time.
And I'm not going to lie- Jay's old girlfriends I am happy to delete. Not because I don't think we couldn't be friends but because it feels so weird seeing their pictures, knowing they can see ours. And if I had deleted them before they would have perhaps thought I was rude and maybe someday down the road we would have met in person and they would have thought I was just the selfish rude wife of their ex that wouldn't be friends with them on fb. Now, if I meet them down the road, well awesome! I would love to meet them. Just not trade photos and never speak a word. So weird.
Grandpa- can you delete your Grandpa? That felt kind of wrong. If your grandparents use fb, they just don't deserve to be deleted...right?
And some people- I had to do one last "check" on their profile- what drew me to that? They usually weren't the best of friends with me but I think what drew me to do that last check is they had some quality I wish I possessed.
Now we can stop pretending we were friends- you are a nice person, I'm a nice person but that doesn't mean we have to pretend we really were or are in each other's lives. Sincerely wishing you the best.
Will I ever hear from this person again? Will it matter?
You know when you look at the same word over and over again it starts looking wrong....is that really how you spell Friend? F--R-I-E-N-D?
Looks like a lot of these people are really happy. I'm so glad. I really am.
I'll admit it: there were people I really questioned if I even knew them...who are they again?
0 friends...oh my goodness. I did it. Gone.
Now my profile added something that says, "find friends" and there are suggestions across the top.
It feels clean.
Okay, so why this madness?
1. I spend too much time on Facebook
2. It felt impersonal to me at times
3. I felt many times jealous of others...something that I know I can work on but I would see something about someone and feel jealous- not happy for them. I think that's what happens when you are only connected with someone through a way that only shows the things they want the world to see- you know in real life you get to hear more of a balance- like "oh they are human too and not everything's perfect".
4. The main reason was I was spending so much ENERGY into things on fb. Not only time, but my actual energy was being spent- yes, that was my choice, but sometimes I just felt compelled to read everything or research everything and it just was overwhelming.
5. I really don't need facebook. It really came down to that. I just think there are other ways for me to share- like the blog for example- or calling people. What ever happened to that? I'm just trying other ways to build relationships and share.
6. Jay was starting to say that's all I did- was fb and he felt left out.
7. Like some of my comments and feelings as I deleted people- I just was out of someone's life and they were out of mine really, yet here we were, swapping pictures and such- it just felt weird.
8. I felt a lot of the time like I had to defend my feelings or thoughts on things, when really it wasn't necessary and I think people don't really care what you think unless they know you care about them and it was easier to just say what I thought first then let people know I really did care about them first and foremost.
I'm not going to make a list of all the good reasons, because there are plenty- I just know that these "negative" reasons for me was enough.
So will I miss it?
Yes, I think so. But at the same time, with everything weighed out, I think it's totally worth it for me personally in my life at this time. And my account isn't really deleted. I mean, I'm still there because there are things I want to follow and read about still that I have found through Facebook has been a good way of doing those things- but I'm not using it to be really connected to anybody as a "friend" and it's okay because I am finding other ways to connect that feel great to me. And I am definitely not telling you this because I think everyone should do it- oh no- I understand everyone is in way different places and I know of plenty of people who don't put the energy and time into fb that I was doing- they know how to balance it out and it blends perfectly into their lives- just for me in my life, it wasn't blending in with what I wanted to be happening.
So, I'm happy to be trying something different and as time goes on, I guess we'll see what the impacts really are- for now I just feel good. I feel happy to be doing something different and making other things in my life a priority where I saw I needed to change something.
No comments:
Post a Comment