^Really like some of this lady's points.
Becoming a mother was like the biggest thing I've ever done. Before that, my life had been kind of purposeless, you know- okay- date, work, go to school, but what am I living for? What is a greater purpose than myself that I'm working towards?!!!
When I became a mom, I found it: my purpose!!! I was so excited to read everything and do my very very best. Like this wasn't just a job, this wasn't just something that happened, this was my PURPOSE. So I dove in and I dove in hard.
I think I wanted what every mother wants for their kids: to give them better than what she had. It's this burning desire to take the good you learned from your own parents and change the things you didn't like and raise children where their world is completely different so they grow and believe different and accomplish more and greater things than you ever could.
What I didn't realize was that the mother still matters. I've been working on changing beliefs and healing a lot of programming I've had and someone I work with asked me what my identity was before kids....honestly, that was the problem. I didn't lose my identity when I became a mother, it's that I didn't really have an identity before and being a mother was it!
And when it gets hard- as in stress beyond what I ever thought was imaginable for a human being to live through- I know you've probably gone through more- believe me, I know some of your struggles and honestly my struggles don't seem that big compared to other people's but I think that's why I have the life I have, because Heavenly Father knew when I would be at my limit and I've been there. Recently in fact.
So my mother came down and saved the day, or the week or just saved everything. She brought some life into my house- some pizzaz and energy I'd been missing. She got me exercising, we got some vitamins and she told me something that has completely changed my life for the better: a message I'd heard and wanted to implement but somehow wasn't ready until now. It is this: "Whenever you are doing something for the kids, make sure in your mind, you are doing it for you too."
So instead of just doing everything "for the kids"- I gotta bring them here and do this for them...make it about me too?
This just went against everything I had been trying to do because I was setting aside my needs for the babies. While I'm proud of the things I was able to accomplish and do, I know my brain has always been about the kids and I didn't know I could do what's best for the kids and do what's good for me! Like claim that I'm doing it for me too. I think I believed being a good mom meant giving up my life for them. Giving up my needs so they could have their needs fulfilled.
So I'm taking G to story-time! I gotta get him there so he can learn and have fun and be around other kids! It's my duty as a mom, I gotta do this for HIM! K....well, what if I also said, I'm going for me to get out of the house and talk to other moms? What if I actually made friends and had fun myself? HA! it's just a novel idea. I don't know why I've been so caught up in the other mentality. But this change has saved me. Like, we are pretty much doing the exact same stuff but now, because I'm doing it for me too- just claiming that, is making it so I am enjoying myself on our outings and having fun myself.
Kids are going outside for a bit? I bring my coloring book with me! Or my book I'm currently reading. Does that mean I never put it down and run around with them and play? No, but do I have to do that the whole time so I'm a "good mom"? No way! I can color!
Set up the swimpool for the kids in the back? I'll get my swimsuit on and get some sun! For me!
Going to the park? I'm going to get some exercise in- my time! Claim it!
I have to do the dishes? My music!
Dinner and I really need a salad but my kids won't eat it? So they get something super simple while I make a gourmet salad for me- they can try it. And actually Grant LOVES salad now! Weird. And beets. Who would have guessed it?
I've had to change my mentality for Esther- which I don't actually feel that bad about because she's still happy. I used to miss out on things because Grant needed to sleep. I need to be a good mom and make sure he gets to sleep. HA! Yes, let them sleep but they don't have to sleep in their bed in the dark at exactly noon every. single. day. of. your. life. So you miss doing things you want and need to do. Yes, she doesn't get consistent naps or perfect sleep schedule, but she gets sleep and we get to go out and play!!! And I finally got a double stroller that clips the infant car seat in so she can nap in that and seriously that one purchase has saved our lives. I don't have to lug the seat in one arm while trying to wrangle a little toddler.
My life is completely different in just a couple of months because I'm claiming I'm important and my needs are important. In the most ideal world, maybe everything would match up but sometimes, the kids are going to be fine sleeping in the car while you drive to the grocery store. Maybe they might be a little tired at night- so put them to bed early and enjoy a bowl of ice cream with the hubs! AH! Seriously, now I feel like I'm finally getting how to be a mother. And that includes being a mother to yourself. Like, I have this little girl inside of me who wants to enjoy life and I can allow her to play too! It doesn't make me any less of a mother or doesn't mean I'm not giving my kids what they need. In fact, what I've decided is that kids need a happy mom more than anything. Because even if they skip a nap and are cranky, they have a happy mom with energy to take care of their crankiness. It's a balance for sure and I'm not saying just be selfish but just claim that it's okay for you to take care of you as a human being too. We all have needs and there is a human inside of the mom that has needs too.
I'm still trying to figure out who I am at my core, without any of my roles or titles- who are you? What do you live for? What makes you excited to live and serve and improve people's lives? Why do you love to LIVE?!!!
I still live for being a mother, but my identity is more. Being a mother is what I consider the most important thing I could do with my time and energy at this time in my life. It is a sacred duty in fact.
“When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way. He doesn’t stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born, perhaps in a simple home out of some obscure mother. And then God puts the idea into the mother’s heart, and she puts it into the baby’s mind. And then God waits. The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.” -E.T. Sullivan
Don't you love that quote!!! I know being a mother is the greatest purpose. I know being a mother is my calling, a beautiful duty from God to raise these beautiful spirits, including myself too. That girl inside of me needs to have joy and have her needs taken care of as well. I claim that my kids can have all the love and nurture that they need while at the same time giving that girl inside me everything she needs. I claim that life is AWESOME and that there is joy everyday to be had for me and the kids...even if it means skipping nap time (or some other horrendous thing that might not be the perfect thing for the kids)!
Your turn- when you became a mom did you have to go through your own process of coming to find yourself? Or re-discover your identity? How did you find your balance of taking care of you while taking care of the kids?! I'd love to hear it :) Please share <3
P.S. Our latest outing together: dressing up as cows- Grant LOVED this! And E slept in her infant car-seat next to us as we had our little mommy son date. And it was so fun! And we got free food!
When I asked him later what his favorite part of our day was (we had gone swimming this day) he said dressing up like cows! I know, I was like, really? Dressing up like cows and waiting in the crowded line was more fun than SWIMMING? Yep.
