Who Does Baby G Look Like?

As I was unpacking today I found some baby pictures I had scanned onto a CD for our wedding.

So now we just need to decide who our little guy looks like more...mom or dad?

Who do you think? Or just a good mix?

4 Months

My Little Man:

Stats: 20 pounds 4 oz, size 4 diapers  Moved up to 6-9 month clothing.

97% length and 99% weight. The doctor looked astonished. He said I must have pure cream. I'm starting to believe it.


Looks:

• G-man has outgrown his diapers...again. He has been moving up in sizes with each passing month: 2 months= size 2 diapers, 3 months= 3 size diapers. So guess what? 4 months and yes, he is now in size 4 diapers. When is this kid going to start moving? People say he will thin out when that happens but right now he has so much fat how is he supposed to move around all those rolls?!!! ha ha.

• He is so so chubby. That's what I hear from everyone who meets him. Usually people are correct but some people take it to the next level (my mom's mom) and say "He's FAT!" cause it's true- he is a big boy. He's tall too and I look at him and think he is getting so long. Actually people are starting to skip the "chubby" and go right on to "fat". He is a solid baby. We get a lot of comments on how we've got ourselves a lineman for football (is that even right? I don't know football terms- oh well).

• It's kind of funny because people always assume he is a girl. They say, "She is beautiful!" Yes- even when he is wearing baby blue and the "baseball" shirts- I think it might be his hair but I get where they are coming from-When they find out he is a little boy, they say, "he is too beautiful to be a boy".  He is beautiful and his skin is still dark! People always ask where he got that amazing skin- I really don't know- Jay's grandpa was dark.... my grandpa is darker- I know I have indian blood in me but really his skin is amazing. 

New Tricks, Milestones and Fun:

• His new trick to straighten his legs out as you hold his arms bringing him up to sit- but now because his legs are straight, he stands right up. He loves standing up and looks so proud.
• He is trying to sit up- he uses his abs and looks down towards his feet when he is in a reclined position and just concentrates so hard to move his body- but he stays put- it's just really cute how he does that.

My favorite thing these days?

• Giggle wars. He will laugh and I will laugh and he will laugh. Then I'll tickle him and he'll just laugh and laugh and laugh.
• We have a game where I put a blanket over him and pull it off and he loves that too- and I could do that one-handed while I took pictures with the other hand- yay! Some real smiles- he just laughs and laughs. 

I can just hear him squealing in delight when I look at this.

Me:

• I finally feel like I'm figuring it out- I mean I know I never will have it figured out all the way because every day really is different and he's changing so quickly and I know the next kid will be different but I'm feeling more and more confident in what I am doing and why I am choosing to do things a certain way.

Thoughts:

These past three months, every passing month has been so exciting. I  always am looking forward to the fun things he is going to be able to do (like the peek-a-boo stage! I know that will be fun!) I was looking forward to him being more interactive and moving around more and learning.

This month, however, has me a little sad. Now the "4th trimester" is over and he isn't an infant really- he is becoming a baby. One who wants to talk and move. I can tell when he is on the ground on his belly how badly he wishes he could propel himself forward. He wants to grow up. He is changing everyday.  I want to accept life as it happens though and not look back and lament on how I wish I still had something- I want to be glad for it and enjoy what's happening now.

I was talking with some friends the other week and I remember talking about how I didn't want to look back on this time in my life and think, "I didn't do everything I wanted to do". I know I look back and think that about my high school days (I was so so shy) and how much fun I kind of missed out on because I didn't go for things. And now,with my kids, with my husband, being a wife and mother is a stage in my life that will last awhile and I want to make the most out of every minute. I want to look back with happiness that I remembered to have fun with my little family. That we didn't waste precious time doing things that were actually not that important.

I thought I was going to go back to school after the baby but I know that I want to be here with him. I am fine taking some community classes on the side to continue learning things or taking a few credits here and there but being a mother is a lot of learning. And it is something I want to look back on and know I was putting all of me into it. I want to be here. Now.

Life really is made up of moments. And everyday we get to make the choice if we are going to let moments be angry moments or sad moments or happy moments. What is the moment going to be like after the baby has another poop explosion? Angry moment? Or a moment I choose to laugh about?

The Poison Crib????!!!

There is so much information out there.

But the thing that has been on my mind the most is: chemicals- dangerous, harmful chemicals.

Did you know most baby mattresses release toxic gases?
And when a baby is developing their nervous system, those toxic gases could cause many different problems later? One lady at the end of an article I read said her baby was so smart and developing quickly and then at 18 months all of a sudden became autistic. She attributes her son changing to autistic to flame resistant chemicals found in her baby's mattress and clothing.

Here's a link to the article if you want to read it: The Poison Crib.


Sometimes I don't know what to believe or how do we actually know for a fact that "this" is what caused "that". Then, to buy "organic" anything is super expensive. And how do you actually know if they company is disclosing everything?
How do you know that just because there isn't BPA in something, that there aren't a whole lot of substitutes that are just as bad or worse.I feel very distrusting of everything and I just want to grow my own cotton and make my own clothing and bedding and toys.

And there is no way right now that I can afford all of these crazy organic things anyway. What am I to do? I feel very stressed out about this.

I want to do what is best for my baby- I want to make sure I am not the one exposing harmful chemicals to him and that I am protecting him the best I can.

I know just living and breathing and going about a normal day you can't avoid all the harmful chemicals out there but I want to avoid bad stuff if I am the one buying it for him to put in his mouth or for him to sleep on. Babies spend most of their time sleeping- even as adults we spend a lot of time on our mattresses. I never thought there could be harmful toxic gases leaking out as we are dreaming and "restoring" our bodies. And for a developing baby's nervous system and body to be exposed to all of those harmful toxins while they are growing just scares me.

Yikes. I think I might die from just thinking about how to avoid and pay for all of this. When will I feel safe?  I want to feel like my baby is safe. How can we do this without breaking the bank?

3 Month Video

This noise used to scare him but now he loves it. He is so happy to hear and make noise!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC5AMGhi4C0&feature=plcp

3 months

Stats: 18 pounds. Wearing size 3 diapers and 3-6 month clothing.

Looks:

• He is for sure getting fat! He's a fat cute baby with 6 rolls on the sides and a "rubber-band" roll around his ankles and wrists.
• I can't believe it but I think he's getting cuter.
• His eyes are definitely a dark brown. A "root-beer" brown (credit: Nicole)

Milestones and Fun:

• My little G-man is becoming more and more talkative. He is quite the conversationist.
• He definitely has favorites that he only really makes eye contact with.
• Ward is one of those people that he will consistently smile at and talk to.
• He knows his mom and dad and loves us- it is so fun to see that he loves us more than other people- well of course he would right? It's still fun though.
• He reached for a toy 2 days before his 3 month mark: it was a toy with wheels and gears. I don't know if we've just been doing the wrong sorts of toys- not manly enough as Jay would say- that he just looks at and think, "huh, why is that there- okay get that out of my face" kind of thing. But he loves this, as Jay puts it, "man" toy!!!
• We took him in to have a stomach rash looked at (he was fine- the rash was pretty much gone by the time we got to the doctor's) and they weighed him in at 15 lbs 9 oz- Jay said it was 16-9 but I think when you hear 15-9 you automatically think, "almost 16". 
• He has been pushing down on his legs for a couple weeks now- he loves it! He looks so proud of himself and swings his arms in circles like he is balancing and gets this really serious look on his face and concentrates on the floor- it is adorable. He is so proud of himself I think.
• He knows how to find his fist and he is proud of that fact.
• He is doing better and better at sleeping 7+ hour stretches. 
• We have giggle wars. SO MUCH FUN!!!

People:

• My neighbor said he is the cutest baby she has ever seen and that if our babies are this cute we should have 12.
• At family gatherings everyone wants to hold him and kiss him and they all clamour about how cute he is and it makes me feel really good. I feel loved when someone loves my baby. If only they could see him when he isn't making blank baby looks at them- when he is talking- I think the crowds would go wild.
• I would say that on my mom's side of the family (all my aunts and uncles) think fat babies are the bomb- when they say he's big and chunky and fat they say it very lovingly and excitedly.

Me:

• 3 months and 2 days I finally feel it. That insanity that I hear about when you don't get enough sleep. I've gotten sick the past week and just felt extremely lazy and foggy. It feels like my brain is glitching- like I was talking with Jay about something like what to make for dinner that night or something and randomly I was talking about Big Bird- don't know how that happened-maybe glitching into childhood memories of Sesame Street.
• I am so in love with this little boy.
• I have used up all the memory recording videos of my little man by three months! Time to make a video- I'll put some clips up here that I love.
• I am almost down now to pre-pregnancy weight. My body is completely different though- I wonder if it will be able to get back to the way it was...Time to start exercising!
• I still wonder if I am doing anything right- I had to stop the bed time bath routine because his skin was drying out with that many baths. So now I had to kind of start over. 
• I started over again with breastfeeding after there was some blockage (ouch!) I had to feed frequently to get rid of it and now my fat baby thinks that is how often we eat again (unless he's just going through a growth spurt now).

Jay:

• He is the funnest dad ever! He always sings the harvester song and gets Grant to laugh. Every. Time. Even when he is so grumpy. One time I called and told Jay G was grumpy and to sing the song for him and he sang it and guess who smiled. From hearing his dad on the phone. So adorable to watch these two together.
• He is so supportive of everything I discover or want to try. He is 100% willing to do anything I ask when it comes to the baby. I want to try this to help him sleep- okay. I want to do this before bedtime- okay. He is the best husband ever!
• I know little G-man is going to love hanging out with his papa. He is going to be a daddy's boy for sure. 

On Sleep and Hugs and other Ramblings

Where to begin?

Well for those of you interested in a new mother's findings and thoughts on sleeping here it is:


I haven't been writing about my parenting style is because I really have just been figuring it out as I go. Just starting off with a new baby I was desperate you could say, desperate for someone to tell me what to do, how to do it. I thought I was doing everything wrong and had great anxieties that I was just going to fail as a mother. I remember even wondering if I went to sleep, if my baby would keep breathing in his bassinet next to me. I remember wondering why other mothers weren't just showering me with advice- "Oh yah, just do this" kind of stuff. Come on! I was dying it felt like.

What I realize now is I was fearful. Fear hindered everything. I was scared of this, scared of that- now I'm not saying that you shouldn't be cautious and learn everything you gotta learn and be smart about things but to always be afraid. That's different.

I also remember always thinking, "I thought I would know what to do right now- where are those maternal instincts everyone talks about?!!!"

All I really remember hearing was "You are doing great- it's a learning process- they don't come with manuals- it gets easier-" Right?

Well, wow. It sure was a learning curve and guess what I have finally decided after all the reading/fretting/fearful searching I have done?

Follow my instincts. 

And after I stopped being so fearful, I figured out I do have motherly instincts after all. All that fear was really getting in the way of feeling what I was supposed to do.

Yep. Simple. Fear was always getting in the way of me doing that before and now I feel like I am finally being brave enough to do that. It's hard when your instincts tell you to do something that your sleep training book tells you specifically not to do.

I remember trying this method- I actually wrote about it a while back- the Sleep Nanny book, which actually says to follow your instincts, which I didn't think I had any right?  Well it says to lay the baby down when they are almost asleep but still aware. Then if they start crying stay next to them and soothe them but don't pick them up. I liked this just because I wasn't leaving the baby to cry all by himself in the other room. It worked a few times and was awesome. But one time he cried hard. For a whole hour. I was just sitting there trying to comfort him while he was laying in his bassinet. It became a "power" struggle of sorts- who was going to give in first? I did not want to be the one to be inconsistent and weak and hold him just because he is crying this time- he's going to learn that he can cry and I will give in. He needs to sleep and maybe this is the only way for us to both get some rest.

So what happened? I finally gave in and I picked him up. Immediately he was so tired that he fell asleep almost the second I picked him up. I just looked at Jay in amazement and said, "I guess he just wanted to be held". As the following days passed, I did what I felt was right- I felt he needed to be held.

What Jay said to me was the shift. The shift from following instructions and trying to sleep train my new baby. He said, "Well, sometimes you just want to be held. Everyone needs a hug."


Huh.
True.
Sometimes I do just want a hug. And sometimes I really just need to be held by the one I love. I need that physical closeness. What if I had a hard day and he came home and I said, "Will you hug me?" And he turns and says, "Now, I don't want you to become dependent on hugs from me to learn how to cope with situations- you need to learn to self-soothe and figure it out on your own."

I would be devastated.
And I'm an adult!
This really made a huge shift in the way I perceived my baby crying.

So, after I thought of it in that way, I knew I could never not pick up my child if he is crying and wants to be held- it is what he needs.

I am realizing more and more that my instincts follow the parenting style of "Attachment Parenting" and I realize it isn't an "easy" style for the parent. There are elements that I see are going to work in my favor and others that I see how easy it would be to have it another way but guess what? It's what my gut is telling me to do. I am not letting my baby cry. I am picking him up and holding him.


Oh and I guess I might add as well that I sleep with the baby.

The horror right? What if I rolled onto him or he got caught between the pillows- I felt guilty for a long time about all of that- I thought what a horrible mother I am to be so tired and allow myself to fall asleep while nursing at night. I remember wondering if it was even legal. What if something did happen? I think I still get embarrassed when I tell people that that is how I ended up getting any rest at all was letting the baby sleep in our bed. I had too many nights where I was up with the baby trying to get him to sleep by himself- in our room- right next to our bed in his bassinet that I finally would just nurse and let him sleep next to me.
I have found that I am so refreshed after sleeping this way.
I don't have to fully awaken to feed him when he's hungry and we both can drift off to sleep again.
The baby gets enough sleep this way and he smiles as he drifts off- that smile says it all to me- it says, "This is where I want to be- next to you. Thank you-I know you love me".
And I am very aware of him. I get my sleep but I am not afraid of rolling on top of him- I just know he's there- I am protecting him.
It's like when you know you have something big happening the next day and you set your alarm clock to go off early so you can get ready for this big thing and you end up waking up before your alarm goes off? It's almost a subconscious thing that you were aware that you had to get going on whatever it was that day- it's the same thing with the baby. I just know he's there and I can't really explain it any better than that.

So now I know I am not following books- even books that are good in theory- exactly- I am doing what I feel is right. And it feels good to do that. I feel at peace with myself and with how I am doing the baby thing. And it works for me and my baby. I would never say that this is the only right way because every parent and child and relationship is different and what works for one family may not work for another family or another lifestyle.


Also- I have seen a shift in my thinking now.
I remember the first few weeks rocking the baby to sleep in my arms and thinking, "Wow- it seems like I spend all my time in a rocking chair. This is going to get boring fast."

There are times where I have things I want to do and I just really want to get the baby down for his nap and go do some things. When I'm trying to get him to sleep so I can go do my things it becomes very frustrating fast.
But, when I sit there and look at his sweet face and long hair and perfect round cheeks and think, "I'm not going to have this for very long" that's when those moments are special. That's when I realize this is my life. I am living it right now- holding my little baby. All those other things that I consider living are not really what I want to look back and remember that I did the dishes or laundry perfectly. I want to remember smelling my sweet little boy's head and feeling his warm chubby hand holding my finger.

Yah, I don't get to do things that I once did so easily (Do I ever even put on makeup anymore!?) but now I have things that I never imagined possible. I could never imagine loving someone so deeply. I am sure there is no mother who has felt more love for their child than I do for mine.

And maybe I'm not doing everything "right". But I know that I love him and that's what counts. When you do something out of love is when you know you are doing it right. You still read and pay attention to what other mothers do because that's how you learn. And then you know what works for you and your baby.

I love this not being afraid stuff. It's working out pretty darn good.

1 Month Video- Arm for Dinner

Here's a video from when Grant was 1 month old. He is eating his arm very adorably and we discuss how many times he has peed on us that day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRBlEfbOz7k&feature=youtu.be