Aura Personalities Featuring Jay, Crystal Personality

I really should have split that last post into like 3 different ones but I just was so excited to share this life-changing book I had to just tell you EVERYTHING.

Okay, so you ready to hear about Jay? This is the section he resonated with the most. He is the most wonderful person. Really, if you have ever spoken with him, I know you have felt his sincere, genuine love and acceptance of people. He just enjoys getting to know people and talking with them and really desires good.

Here's the run down of his Aura Personality- ah he's so great :)

Crystal- The Vessel

CONTAINERS OF LIGHT
Crystals are vessels of light, yet they are oblivious to that fact, and to the effect their brightness has on others. 

GIFT OF FAITH
...Despite their blindness, Crystals go forward with faith.

CHILDLIKE & NAIVE
Crystals are playful, joyful, pure-in-heart souls that bring healing with them wherever they go. They have the gentle, sensitive, impressionable nature of children but, unlike other children growing into adulthood, Crystals retain these childlike qualities all througout their lives....In so many ways Crystals feel very young and more like children than adults, even well into adulthood. This is especially true when it comes to making decisions for themselves. Crystals have to learn to accept responsibility in order to fully transition into adulthood. 

Crystals are late bloomers in many ways....

Crystals are vulnerable, teachable, humble, spontaneous and trusting. They laugh easily, forgive quickly and love everyone...Crystals are open to everything good. They have an instant desire for things to be made right and for peace and harmony to descend upon all situations, if possible. 

DECISION PARALYSIS

Um...hello!!! Yes!!! Have anyone else seen this in Jay?! How many majors in school have we attempted to complete?!!!!

Crystals never feel adequately equipped or mature enough to make decisions. They would prefer a more confident and, in their eyes, more competent person to make all of their decisions for them. Crystals are constantly asking others to provide information and guidance for their lives. Many difficulties they experience in life are in direct correlation to their constant state of perplexity. In fact, Crystals can be indecisive, to the point of paralysis, in moving forward in their lives. 

SELF-DOUBT IS THEIR NEMISIS
     
         Um, yah, pretty much. So true!!!!!

A MIRROR FOR OTHERS

PUT OTHERS AT EASE

If you have talked to Jay, you know he can do this SO EASILY!!! What a gift to have!

EMPATHY OR IDENTITY CONFUSION

ABSORB & INTERNALIZE EVERYTHING

HYPER PLUGGED-IN TO THE ENVIRONMENT

WEIGHTED BY ENERGY OF OTHERS

RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ENVIRONMENT

NATURAL HEALERS

SUSCEPTIBLE TO FEAR

SUFFERING IS THEIR TEACHER

SPIRITUAL GUIDES


Aren't those some cool sections?!!! I mean, WOW! I really got SO BLESSED to be married to such a guy.

And really, if we were all really to know what gifts we have, wouldn't we be a lot more understanding of each other? I mean, some of Jay's weaknesses that he has to overcome are part of his gift too- he just has to learn to overcome his self-doubt and decision paralysis and look at the amazing things he can do to help others.

Plus, his natural gifts help balance mine- which if you remember reading are pretty blast to the face kind of stuff.

We love you JAY!!!! You are incredible!!!! What a gift you are to the planet and our lives!!!! (He never reads these posts but I'm sure you all will concur with a resounding YES! He is amazing!)

Co-Sleeping: Then vs. Now Beliefs

When we first began co-sleeping with our baby we were new and exhausted parents.

We said we'd give it a try and discuss how it was working for us as a family every so-often and re-adjust as we need.

It ended up being the biggest surprise that we were getting significantly more sleep.

The sleep training book we had read said you can "train" your baby to not want to eat in the middle of the night by just rocking the baby back to sleep and not nursing. The goal being sleep. Everyone needs sleep.

Every new mom is exhausted and all you want is to sleep, you start grasping at anything and everything to try. That's what I did anyway.

And back then I started reading all this stuff on how good it was for the baby to sleep near his mama- giving him comfort and security all through the night.

I read about different types of parenting and this co-sleeping fell perfectly into attachment parenting which is what we had followed not knowing that's what it was called.

I started seeing my baby so happy and we were happy because we got sleep.

I was able to continue breastfeeding when I knew others had struggled to keep their milk supply up. I think night-feeding really just kept the message to my body that I needed to continue making milk. I'm sure there are many things that are factored into this but that's just a benefit that could have been from night-feeding.

I watched as my baby became more independent- seriously just running off- could care less if I'm there. I was shocked the first time that happened at church and someone said, "It's when they feel safe that they do that". So I watch as he feels safe and secure.

I'm not going to lie- I thought I had it all figured out.
Why doesn't everyone do this?
Why does our culture make it seem so wrong to have your baby in your bed?
Why is it hard to believe that it could actually make your relationship with your spouse better? I mean you're getting sleep!
Why are the statistics skewed to make it seem "dangerous". That's what had scared me at first- that I would roll on my baby. I am very confident to say I am very aware of him. And really the co-sleeping death statistics that happen are if you are drugged or overweight or doing it improperly (ie. a couch or arm chair).

So here I was thinking really I did have it all figured out. This was heaven. And when I would tell people this way of sleeping together, they would tell me things to discourage this seemingly perfect solution to sleep and breast-feeding. It felt so normal and natural and it was working. We had to make adjustments, sure- don't you anyway when you have a child? But I was just so surprised that this wonderful natural way could be seen so drastically different by others.
I think I started thinking: I know the way. It's this way of sleeping- I mean look how happy my baby is.

Then, life happens.
And all of a sudden I am humbled so so so humbled.
G got sick and then I got sick then G fell and hurt his leg then we moved.
And while I didn't change the night-time sleeping together as a family situation- a lot of other things changed with the way I "managed" things. I was doing things that I never thought I would do: buying fast, pre-packaged foods, watching TV and movies all day long and not getting things done. I felt like a big fat failure. I knew better yet I just couldn't do it.  And my milk started declining probably with all the stress and it felt like the end of the world.

All of a sudden I really could see clearly.
I could see myself in all the other moms out there who didn't maybe do things the way I had "figured out" was the "best" way.
We as mothers want the best for our children and give it all to them.
We give everything we have and even if we know our child shouldn't watch TV all day, there literally is no other option when we don't have anything else left inside.
We will do anything for them. Anything that we know how to do and can do and that works for our family.

I can see now that co-sleeping wouldn't work for every family and situation. We all live such different lives in different worlds really. And I met a friend who wanted so badly to breast-feed but her baby just couldn't handle it. It hurt the baby. She went off of everything that she loved and regularly ate and still the baby suffered. For three months they watched as the baby screamed and screamed. So finally she switched to formula and guess what? Her baby calmed down and didn't have the stomach issues that she had before.

I never went through that. Yes, G had colic but I learned quick that chocolate upset him and I just had to be careful what I was eating. It was difficult to learn the latch and all but hearing her story just made me wonder if I would have even tried sticking it out as long as she did. Just like I'm sure there are a ton of other things that I am not facing or going through in my life that others are in their family situations.

So while I am proud and will always praise co-sleeping for my family because it has been the greatest blessing and biggest comfort for us, I know that it will not always be for everyone.

Everyone does the best they can in the circumstances they have and just because I believe children feel more secure co-sleeping doesn't mean that another family isn't better at making their children feel more secure in other ways that I might be lacking in. All in all whatever I believe I am grateful to have my beliefs now and not be afraid that it's different. I'm grateful that I get a chance to be a mom and try things the way I feel will be good for my children while someone else gets the same opportunity to grow and love a little person more than herself.

And I see other families with happy children that do not co-sleep. They are loved and cherished and I see that.

I know mothers love their children and when it comes down to it that's what matters. So I might make mistakes and maybe I'm doing something where someone else would say there is a better way but if I'm doing the best I can and loving my children that's all I can do.

And the best part?
Knowing that God loves my baby too.
More than I could even imagine.
So when I don't do everything right, I know he's there to love my child and guide him too.
Somehow, in the end, if you do your best that's all that matters.

And I love this quote, sorry I forgot where I read it and I'll probably butcher it but the message is there- I always turn to it when I'm feeling like I'm failing:

"Always give your best. Some days your best will be 100%. Days when you are ill your best may only be 60%, but it's your best. Just always give your best."

I Never Want Diamonds For Valentine's Day

Have I already mentioned I love being poor? Other than the fact that it can get stressful I am really, really happy not having a lot of money.
Reasons? You want reasons you say.
Okay.
#1 It forces you to get creative. Um... would I ever in a million years save every card board box that enters our place and think of all the amazing things I could do with cardboard?
#2 It has been really humbling.
#3 I am learning my value really isn't based on what I have.
#4 I have become a really grateful person. Gratitude has been somewhat of a weak part of my life and something I didn't know how to really go about fixing. Well, not having a lot and then people being generous to you makes you real grateful real fast.
#5 My faith has been stretched to, well, almost forcing me to have faith. You have to have faith or you become discouraged really quickly. And I've realized faith is a choice. I choose to have faith.


Well, back to Valentine's Day.
What girl doesn't like flowers? Honestly. Unless maybe if you are deathly allergic or something to the pollen? They are beautiful and smell fabulous and just brighten your day right?
Jay doesn't like flowers- he had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that a couple little doodah flowers that last a couple doodah days could make me feel sooooo special. He has bought me flowers before and I loved it of course and felt really special. But of course I knew I wouldn't be getting any flowers this year because it just doesn't make sense to buy flowers over food;) ha ha. So I really didn't know what to expect from the hubs. I knew I could make him something in the kitchen and he would love that.

So I made him some Costco muffins again(He loved them for his birthday) but this time I made super sized ones. And I wrote a little poem about how much he means to me.







And this, this is what I received:

There are 7 and in his note he said he made one for every day of the week he loves me....sweet.

Aren't they beautiful?

Best Valentine's Day ever. This means so much more to me than him running over to the store and grabbing chocolate and flowers. I mean, I like real flowers a lot and I still feel loved but this was much greater.

He took the time to make each and everyone of these. I imagine he is giddy with anticipation and happiness that he is creating this for me. His special wife. And these take some time to make so I imagine he was thinking about me and his love for me while he hand crafted these. It just makes my heart melt a little.


I know someday we will have money. Well, that's the plan at least with Jay going to school. I know we will have it but I don't want to lose this. This creativity and excitement for simple sweet things.

I never want diamonds for Valentine's Day.

Crushin'

Did you know you could have a crush on your husband you've been married to for 

2 and 1/2 years?

I didn't.

I mean, I love him and I have enjoyed being married to him but he isn't the same man I married. He is, but he isn't. I realized the other day I love him more than I ever could have imagined possible. And he loves me even through all my weaknesses which are TONS.  I just feel giddy like a school girl with a crush on this guy who is just the sweetest, coolest guy. I catch myself just thinking about him during the day and I can't help but let a huge grin cross my face. I just sit there and smiling and looking back to our wedding day, the day I promised to love this man, I never could have imagined knowing how happy I could be with him.

After 2 and 1/2 years of being married, 

I am more in love with him

more grateful for him

he is sweeter

kinder

gentler

understanding-er;)

happier

smarter

handsomer

funnier

than ever before.


 Here's just one of the romantic things he said to me on my birthday-
Warning: it is very cheesy
Do you like cheese?
I do.
Okay, he said:

"You get 24 birthday kisses.
Oh and a little secret:
You can have as many as you want,
Forever."

With a *wink* and a smile that's just for me.

You imagine someone as goofy as my hubby is looking ridiculous saying things with such cheddar or pepper-jack or swiss.
That is just not so. He was saying these romantic "cheesy" things sincerely and not looking stupid at all.

I am so grateful to be married to the best husband out there.

When I tell him such, he says, 

"Just wait, I can get better".

 I just can't imagine what.

 How could life get any better than this:

Feeling Loved

What a surprise! Last thing I expected on a normal day!!!

They are beautiful!!! 

38 weeks

Post for the week of May 17th.
I had the baby! 2 and a 1/2 weeks early!!!


But, Jay said I was planning on having the baby at 40+ weeks so I should keep taking my weekly pregnancy photos to see if the baby is as big as the the fruit/vegetable that he is compared to that week for his growth.

This week he is as long as a leek! (looks like he is a bit longer).

You can see how he fit when he's all curled up.

He is so tiny. My mini-human!

Stats: Baby is as long as a leek.
Total Weight gain: down 20 lbs after birth!

May 12th: I felt really sick a couple of days ago and last night I was nesting- all of a sudden-out of nowhere- I just got all this energy and started doing all this stuff that I've been wanting to do for a few weeks- just BAM. Done. All day today though I've been just feeling like sitting and resting. I feel a lot more pressure in the pelvis though and wonder if it could be close.

May 13th: I was closer than I thought! I am a mother on mother's day! What a perfect day and smooth delivery. I have never felt so much love for a living tiny person in my life. Jay and I both burst into tears whenever we look at him and how perfect he is. He is ours and we couldn't be happier.

May 14th: Just getting spoiled at the hospital- (American Fork hospital rocks!) Just pick up the phone whenever I need anything.  Getting to know little Grant- the nurses keep coming in saying they will take him to the nursery to I can get some sleep and I just don't even know what to say- how can I part from this tiny precious person that I carried for 37.5 weeks? There is no way I am sending him away. I smile and say thanks but inside ask how could that even be possible? I just stare in wonder at his little fingers and toes and eyebrows and eyes and elbows. How could a little person grow inside me and here he is so perfect?! I am amazed at my body and that it was able to carry this precious cargo.

May 15th: My family came and visited (well, they were here as I was delivering the placenta) but anyway my little sister Bethany laughs at my belly because I still look about 6 months pregnant. Going home from the hospital- good thing we installed that car-seat a few days ago! haha. I have to sit in the back by baby and people smile on the road when they see why an adult is sitting in the backseat of the car.

May 16th: Breastfeeding is a little more complicated than I thought. Baby latches but then I have so many questions on if he is eating enough and when do I switch- am I supposed to switch? Which boob did I feed off of last? Good think Nicole gave me a nifty bracelet to keep track or I would be totally lost.

May 17th: Still can't get over the perfection of my child. Visitors fall in love instantly and I can't blame them. He is the sweetest baby in the whole world. And the cutest and I just can't believe he's here and he's all mine.


*So this is just a jot-down note taking of those days-there will definitely be more to come.

May 13th, Mother's Day

I never imagined I would be holding my baby boy in my arms on Mother's Day. But at 10:04 Sunday morning, he was born! The perfect gift- to become a mother on this day. 7 pounds, 20 inches of perfection.

 He came on such a special day-early! I am so grateful he is healthy. He would have been born today (May 31st) and it's so weird because he is 2.5 weeks old and a whole pound and 2 ounces heavier than his birth weight.

He loves sleeping on mommy

When I first saw him, my first thought was, "What a miracle! That dark hair! Look at his tiny fingers and little mini human face- everything is so small and perfect!" Then the very next thought is, "How did this enormous creature fit inside of me?!!!!"

This is his signature face: puckered lips- he does this often

He had a little trouble breathing so they had to take him away and monitor him that first hour- Jay stayed with him during that time and I just held my breath, waiting for them to bring him back to me. When they finally did, I couldn't stop staring at the perfection of this child, my child; the one who had been inside of me growing and kicking my ribs and hiccuping everyday. You know it's the baby that was inside of you but then randomly I would feel something (maybe a gas bubble, maybe my uterus contracting and getting smaller) and I would think I was pregnant and holding my baby and would have to correct myself and say, "I'm not pregnant- the baby is out- in my arms!"

I think the thing that surprised me the most was Jay. I haven't really talked about his feelings on the baby during the pregnancy because honestly, he just did things because I wanted him to. He would act annoyed if I put his hand on my belly to feel the baby kick because it would usually take longer than one whole second. Then he would talk about plans for the summer and buying a truck that wouldn't fit a car-seat and I was trying to be understanding that it is a big adjustment and that he was probably just nervous and didn't want to feel like our relationship would change and that we could still do stuff together. I will tell you it was hard for me though because I would get so excited every time I would feel our little guy move or hiccup and it's all I could think about and talk about and to have your spouse feel kind of the opposite was hard for me.
BUT
Now that the baby is here I can say that I have never seen Jay so happy and excited and loving towards a little baby. He is so sweet and cute and he doesn't care about going all these places this summer and he says he will never buy a vehicle that wouldn't fit our little bundle. Jay actually said he was crazy for even thinking about buying a vehicle that wouldn't fit our bambino.  He is the most loving dad I have ever seen. He loves our kid and tears up just like me when looking at him. I know he feels so much love for the baby and am so happy he is the father of my child.  I guess some people are right that the loving and parenting begin for the mom once she sees the positive sign on the stick and then for the dad it begins once setting eyes on the baby and holding him for the first time.

Father and son: such perfect love

We are so blessed with this angel. I don't know how my heart hasn't exploded from love for this tiny human.

He is so sweet. Oh how I love him and his hair!

Coming up:
-Birth story- in detail.
-Weeks 37-40;)
-First weeks with my little monkey- sleeping (or lack thereof), diapers, breast-feeding.

Amnesia and the Dollar Theater

Jay and I went and saw....The Vow.
You say it's been out for a while? Well, Jay and I are very proud to say we waited a couple of months to go to the movies so that all the "new movies" would be in the dollar theater. We just had to get to that point of being a few months off of the release date and now we've got it down. We love going to the dollar and we even get student discounts- 25 cents off each ticket! We've got it down to a science pretty much (other than the fact that everyone sees movies first and when we finally talk about them, people look at us like they are in a very awkward social situation knowing us).

So, The Vow: Now, I've heard a lot of reviews saying it wasn't all that great- which could have been why we loved it so much- we didn't expect a lot. We LOVED it. What a good reminder that love shouldn't be taken for granted and you do need to work at love- that it doesn't always come easy- even if you don't hit your head and  lose your memory. Don't people forget all the time why they are in love or what made them fall in love with someone in the first place?

Circumstances change and starting a family seems like a big deal and I've been afraid of forgetting why Jay and I fell in love- we are going to get so busy and life just seems to keep getting busier and busier. I don't think it's going to slow down so it's good to have a reminder to slow down and "date" your spouse. We are going to have to make the time- and that isn't such a bad thing really. We are starting a new adventure of parenthood together and now our time has to be a little more planned and that's okay.

Is this a "buy-worthy" movie?
Yes.

Two Years

Whenever someone asks us how long we've been married, Jay replies, "Twenty years" with a little twinkle in his eye.

Sometimes it does feel like we have been together forever and other times it feels like maybe a few months is all. All I know is that things have been difficult at times, there have been tears and misunderstandings and sorrow but every time I look back 2 years ago on that I promised to love Jay Jensen through everything and forever, I am so glad I did.

We have a ways to go but I am so excited that we are starting our family and that we get to build our lives together, starting from really nothing. Sometimes he will turn to me and say, "Argh! I wish we had met five years from now; I would have money, a house, everything ready for us!" All I got to say to that is it has been awesome for me to learn how to budget and really live within and below our means, even if that means we have accepted some help from our parents on the way. We are starting from scratch and sacrificing things so we can have other things. I know we'll have all that stuff (our own house!) soon enough but for now we are enjoying the ride.

We have had two years of learning and growing together and I know we are both better because of the other person. We are best friends and I love that I can have my best friend as my partner in life. We have so many dreams and hopes and faith that through our commitment and love for each other- trusting in God and trusting in each other. I am realizing more and more that the closer we come to know of Christ, the closer we become to each other. It is so easy to become distracted by things that really don't really matter but I know at the end of the day that I have someone who is on my side.

I love Jay. Happy anniversary!

Last Christmas...

So crazy it was only last Christmas that my knight got down on one knee and said he wanted to have me for the rest of his life.

All the smells and decorations and the snow remind me of that nerve-racking and exciting night. And I breathe a sigh of relief for saying yes because if I had said no...yikes, Christmas would be horrible. But I said yes so everything's good. Phew.

Just thought I'd give a sigh of relief on that one.