Co-Sleeping: Then vs. Now Beliefs

When we first began co-sleeping with our baby we were new and exhausted parents.

We said we'd give it a try and discuss how it was working for us as a family every so-often and re-adjust as we need.

It ended up being the biggest surprise that we were getting significantly more sleep.

The sleep training book we had read said you can "train" your baby to not want to eat in the middle of the night by just rocking the baby back to sleep and not nursing. The goal being sleep. Everyone needs sleep.

Every new mom is exhausted and all you want is to sleep, you start grasping at anything and everything to try. That's what I did anyway.

And back then I started reading all this stuff on how good it was for the baby to sleep near his mama- giving him comfort and security all through the night.

I read about different types of parenting and this co-sleeping fell perfectly into attachment parenting which is what we had followed not knowing that's what it was called.

I started seeing my baby so happy and we were happy because we got sleep.

I was able to continue breastfeeding when I knew others had struggled to keep their milk supply up. I think night-feeding really just kept the message to my body that I needed to continue making milk. I'm sure there are many things that are factored into this but that's just a benefit that could have been from night-feeding.

I watched as my baby became more independent- seriously just running off- could care less if I'm there. I was shocked the first time that happened at church and someone said, "It's when they feel safe that they do that". So I watch as he feels safe and secure.

I'm not going to lie- I thought I had it all figured out.
Why doesn't everyone do this?
Why does our culture make it seem so wrong to have your baby in your bed?
Why is it hard to believe that it could actually make your relationship with your spouse better? I mean you're getting sleep!
Why are the statistics skewed to make it seem "dangerous". That's what had scared me at first- that I would roll on my baby. I am very confident to say I am very aware of him. And really the co-sleeping death statistics that happen are if you are drugged or overweight or doing it improperly (ie. a couch or arm chair).

So here I was thinking really I did have it all figured out. This was heaven. And when I would tell people this way of sleeping together, they would tell me things to discourage this seemingly perfect solution to sleep and breast-feeding. It felt so normal and natural and it was working. We had to make adjustments, sure- don't you anyway when you have a child? But I was just so surprised that this wonderful natural way could be seen so drastically different by others.
I think I started thinking: I know the way. It's this way of sleeping- I mean look how happy my baby is.

Then, life happens.
And all of a sudden I am humbled so so so humbled.
G got sick and then I got sick then G fell and hurt his leg then we moved.
And while I didn't change the night-time sleeping together as a family situation- a lot of other things changed with the way I "managed" things. I was doing things that I never thought I would do: buying fast, pre-packaged foods, watching TV and movies all day long and not getting things done. I felt like a big fat failure. I knew better yet I just couldn't do it.  And my milk started declining probably with all the stress and it felt like the end of the world.

All of a sudden I really could see clearly.
I could see myself in all the other moms out there who didn't maybe do things the way I had "figured out" was the "best" way.
We as mothers want the best for our children and give it all to them.
We give everything we have and even if we know our child shouldn't watch TV all day, there literally is no other option when we don't have anything else left inside.
We will do anything for them. Anything that we know how to do and can do and that works for our family.

I can see now that co-sleeping wouldn't work for every family and situation. We all live such different lives in different worlds really. And I met a friend who wanted so badly to breast-feed but her baby just couldn't handle it. It hurt the baby. She went off of everything that she loved and regularly ate and still the baby suffered. For three months they watched as the baby screamed and screamed. So finally she switched to formula and guess what? Her baby calmed down and didn't have the stomach issues that she had before.

I never went through that. Yes, G had colic but I learned quick that chocolate upset him and I just had to be careful what I was eating. It was difficult to learn the latch and all but hearing her story just made me wonder if I would have even tried sticking it out as long as she did. Just like I'm sure there are a ton of other things that I am not facing or going through in my life that others are in their family situations.

So while I am proud and will always praise co-sleeping for my family because it has been the greatest blessing and biggest comfort for us, I know that it will not always be for everyone.

Everyone does the best they can in the circumstances they have and just because I believe children feel more secure co-sleeping doesn't mean that another family isn't better at making their children feel more secure in other ways that I might be lacking in. All in all whatever I believe I am grateful to have my beliefs now and not be afraid that it's different. I'm grateful that I get a chance to be a mom and try things the way I feel will be good for my children while someone else gets the same opportunity to grow and love a little person more than herself.

And I see other families with happy children that do not co-sleep. They are loved and cherished and I see that.

I know mothers love their children and when it comes down to it that's what matters. So I might make mistakes and maybe I'm doing something where someone else would say there is a better way but if I'm doing the best I can and loving my children that's all I can do.

And the best part?
Knowing that God loves my baby too.
More than I could even imagine.
So when I don't do everything right, I know he's there to love my child and guide him too.
Somehow, in the end, if you do your best that's all that matters.

And I love this quote, sorry I forgot where I read it and I'll probably butcher it but the message is there- I always turn to it when I'm feeling like I'm failing:

"Always give your best. Some days your best will be 100%. Days when you are ill your best may only be 60%, but it's your best. Just always give your best."