Choosing Feelings...In the Car

Sometimes I'm driving and there will be some random guy that pulls up and looks over all cool and nods like he's something else and eww and yuck right? You know what I'm talking about. And I'm married! Hello! I have a baby in the backseat!

Well, I was driving down to my parent's the other day and I pull up to a stop light and a construction truck pulls up to the right of me. I see him from the corner of my eye and know he's looking over at me. Don't look. Don't look- just ignore him and he'll soon be gone. It's just so awkward.
The light is taking years so I glance over- I just can't help it! And I'm ready to just kind of ignore/roll my eyes/throw him a dirty look? I actually don't know what I was planning on what I was going to do but I look and he's waving.
Ah! Hurry look away- shun him! I feel disgust and impatience and awkwardness and just really negative about this.

Then I realize something.

He's not waving at me- he's waving at the baby in the backseat.

In that moment, I realized that this man next to me wasn't being a creeper.
He was sharing joy.

He was in that moment, connecting souls with a little cute baby in the backseat.

He was just a person, possibly a father with a family

and wow,

in that moment I realized if I could just see that in everyone, all the time, MY life will be greater and I will FEEL happier. Just by choosing how I view others.

Cool.

Feeling Small

Changes have been coming for some time now. 

No idea when it started,

or if my whole life has led me to this point.

How long this has been building?

Sometimes I notice the drops

drip, drop

I hear them but maybe I have never seen that they were accumulating

Because now

 There is a big wave gathering up water into one big pile.

And I'm at the point now where things are happening so fast,

 the wind rushing past me as that big fat wave draws it's final breath 

before it plummets down to crash on and around me.

Will it hurt?

Am I ready?

Have I really been preparing this whole time? I thought I had- but maybe I'm not ready.

When is anyone ever ready though?

It's just so big and I'm so small.

I look around at my world I know and realize once that wave comes down, everything will be different.

Every blade of grass will be changed in my eyes.

And I get to be the one to call it.

I'm in charge of that wave.

Should I glance my eyes upward, with arms open wide?

I have never thought of looking up to see what could be there- I've always kept my eyes on the things I know and on my little world.

Who knows what could happen?

Because once it comes, everything will CHANGE.

All I know is my heart is beating out of my chest. With what emotion you ask? 

I have no idea.

Maybe it's fear?

Maybe it's excitement?

Maybe it's gladness and possibility...

Maybe disappointment?

In myself?

In the world?

What should I believe?

 I just hope my little arms can hold it and my heart can bear it.

Disclaimer:

This is a little dramatic so if you aren't into poems and poetry I could see how this could freak ya out a little bit. Let me just sum it up for those non-poetry people: I am changing and sometimes change hurts but I think overall it's a good thing. I do want to change- why is it so difficult sometimes to let go of old habits/ beliefs? 

I'll keep you updated on the wave- maybe I'll go surfing!

First Words...Talking Baby

I don't want to forget everything Grant has been saying lately!
He is such a talker and really tries to mimic sounds and he knows words now. It's cool to see his eyes light up when he understands what I am talking about and this huge SMILE pushing those cheeks out showing those cute white little doll teeth.

So here they are so far:
1. Mom- he says that a lot! It used to be only crying saying "mommommomomom" but now he says "Mama" with a happy face! Yay!
2. Dada- he loves that guy! (so do I)
3. Cat (he lovvves Nana's cat Ziggy)
4. Dog- he mostly just said this 1 or 2 times and now he just "barks" when I say "dog". His bark is a humming "ruff-ruff" without actually opening his mouth. Pretty cute.
5. Hat- This one surprised me- he was just staring at my hat so I started chanting "hat" to him and he said it 5 or 6 times, whispering it almost but I saw his mouth making the "t" sound with his tongue by his teeth! AMAZED was I.

These next two are not actually talking with his words yet, but I know he understands them:

6. Flag. When we go on our walks we always stop and I point to the flags up in the air and say "flag" while waving my hand in the air back and forth making a whoooshing sound. So that's what he does. Waves his hand around and whooses when we see a flag or I mention a flag even before he's seen it. So smart.
7. Water- he just points now to his cup on the table (I just have him drink out of a plastic small cup- I never got into the sippy cup thing) and I say "water" and he points and smiles. That's how I know he wants that.
8. Toys
9. Ball
10. Cow! He moooos everytime he sees a cow. Cows are his FAVORITE animal ever!
11. Swing! Oh how he loves the park and the swing.
12. Park

Okay, well, this started as words and now I'm just going on and on. I guess I'm allowed to do that though- it's my blog I can do what I want! The power! Mwah ha ha!

Okay, anyway so cool to see his knowledge of the world expanding and I am loving taking him outside to play and watch as he discovers how to do things


Oh and guess WHAT?!

We are down to one nap folks.  UNO. That is the most blessed thing in the whole world. Not only is that only one time putting him down but now he sleeps for 2 hours plus for that nap and it is wonderful!!!! I am able to start doing things that I wasn't able to do with only 1/2 to an hour break!

I will take it!