Feeling Small

Changes have been coming for some time now. 

No idea when it started,

or if my whole life has led me to this point.

How long this has been building?

Sometimes I notice the drops

drip, drop

I hear them but maybe I have never seen that they were accumulating

Because now

 There is a big wave gathering up water into one big pile.

And I'm at the point now where things are happening so fast,

 the wind rushing past me as that big fat wave draws it's final breath 

before it plummets down to crash on and around me.

Will it hurt?

Am I ready?

Have I really been preparing this whole time? I thought I had- but maybe I'm not ready.

When is anyone ever ready though?

It's just so big and I'm so small.

I look around at my world I know and realize once that wave comes down, everything will be different.

Every blade of grass will be changed in my eyes.

And I get to be the one to call it.

I'm in charge of that wave.

Should I glance my eyes upward, with arms open wide?

I have never thought of looking up to see what could be there- I've always kept my eyes on the things I know and on my little world.

Who knows what could happen?

Because once it comes, everything will CHANGE.

All I know is my heart is beating out of my chest. With what emotion you ask? 

I have no idea.

Maybe it's fear?

Maybe it's excitement?

Maybe it's gladness and possibility...

Maybe disappointment?

In myself?

In the world?

What should I believe?

 I just hope my little arms can hold it and my heart can bear it.

Disclaimer:

This is a little dramatic so if you aren't into poems and poetry I could see how this could freak ya out a little bit. Let me just sum it up for those non-poetry people: I am changing and sometimes change hurts but I think overall it's a good thing. I do want to change- why is it so difficult sometimes to let go of old habits/ beliefs? 

I'll keep you updated on the wave- maybe I'll go surfing!