Okay, I finally finished writing down the details of my labor and delivery-
And when I say, "details" I mean DEtails.
Alright so here is basically what went down: (It might get too detailed at times and a little gross but hey-it's part of having a baby and I want to remember it how it happened).
Wednesday: I had been feeling sick and didn't get any sleep Tuesday night because I was nauseous, achy and flu-like. My head was beating at me like there were little dwarfs with pick axes hammering in my head. I don't remember the last time I have felt that horrible. I kept thinking, "Oh good, at least I am getting over my sickness before I go into labor!"
Thursday: Still wasn't feeling too hot but I had my baby shower to go to so I forced myself to shower and look presentable. It wasn't that hard to smile and have a good time seeing old friends and getting awesome gifts though- it was really fun.
Friday: I don't remember friday- I think we just got the rest of the hospital bags packed and I typed my birth plan up finally- which took, I'm serious, like 5 hours. I had to re-research everything and make sure every detail was exactly the way I wanted it.
*Pretty much I wanted a natural childbirth and listed detailed ways I wanted to go about the whole birthing process.
Then, Friday night I was nesting! I had been so tired all day and then BAM! I just wanted to make sure everything was in order- Jay wanted to go out and I pushed him to stay home and help me put some stuff together and clean a bit (he actually wasn't too happy about it) but we got a lot done and then when I realized I was "nesting" I slowed down and knew I should get some rest. I just felt like I should sleep tonight instead of stay up cleaning so we went to bed around 10 or so and got a good night's rest (8 hours or so! which is the best we've gotten in a while, especially this week with me feeling sick all the time).
Saturday (gross alert): I was feeling more pressure in my pelvis- and every time I would use the restroom I would see more of the plug. (I thought I had already lost it! Why was there more?) Seriously every time I went I saw more and I really didn't think that much of it other than I was surprised that it just kept coming. My mom decided to help me plant my garden finally (I had seeds but she just went and got some starts since we are planting so late). I have been such a slacker with it and I was so grateful she was helping! I walked over to my Grandma's house (We decided to do the garden there so the dogs wouldn't get into the garden and so we could walk over and visit her often) to see the progress and I wanted to help out but I just was feeling like just sitting was good enough so I watched as my mom and sister planted and occasionally would get up to use the restroom or turn the water on for them.
Saturday night at around 7 I started kind of feeling achy in my back. I took a shower later around 10 and laid down but I just kept feeling achy. Jay asked if I was ready for bed around 11 or so and I said we could try but that I was feeling achy in my back. In the back of my mind I wondered if this was labor because I remembered Nicole told me that that was how she felt at the start of her labor. It couldn't be though and I shouldn't think that because I was only still barely over 37 weeks. I just kept thinking that maybe the way I had been sitting all day made my back achy or maybe at 37 weeks and a few days your body just starts shifting around more to get ready for the baby so that's why I was feeling like that. You're body is always changing with new aches and pains on a weekly basis so I figured this really could just be something that I'm going to have to live with until birth (ha ha- which I figured would be another 2 weeks).
12:00 am I told Jay he should run to redbox and grab Courageous since we've been wanting to see that and watch that tonight to try to fall asleep to. We started the movie at around 12:30 and I just couldn't sit still. Soon I was feeling like every 10 minutes or so I needed to have a bm so I would run to the toilet and sit down and feel that urge but nothing. I was confused. Maybe I have some weird sickness? Maybe I am constipated- that happens you know. But the ache in my back was getting a little stronger at times and I was beginning to wonder if that was a pressure wave/ contraction. So what do I do? I googled it of course! So many people describe their contractions as tightening in their abdomen and I just wasn't feeling any of that. But then I did notice a few saying it felt like what I was going through: just achy back and feeling like they needed to poop. So that's when I started thinking this could be contractions! I was still very much in doubt though. So my back was achy the whole time but then it was just get a bit achy-er every 5 minutes and I thought- "No way this is real- what if it is though? I would not want to have the baby here if this is really it....maybe I should tell Jay that we should go- no maybe not- okay I think I will".
1:30 am I tell Jay I think we should go to the hospital. He's confused and doesn't think I'm in labor either. We both just kind of doubt it but then I go back to knowing that the peak of achiness is coming every 4 minutes in my back so if we drive to the hospital and are told they are braxton hicks I will feel dumb but it would be better to be safe than sorry. So he starts getting things together and I go upstairs to see if I can make the brownies for the nurses. What if I'm not in labor though? How dumb- maybe I'll just bring the box. I don't actually feel like I could just stand there and wait for brownies to cook either- I am feeling more and more like going to the hospital is a good idea because every four minutes I have to stop and just breath through my achy back. Plus, everyone is sleeping and I don't want to get everyone excited about us leaving for the hospital so I just grab the box and we head out.
On the way I listen to my Birthing Day affirmations HypnoBabies track which helps me stay calm and believe that my body is doing okay and the baby is doing okay. Still, in the back of my mind I wonder if today will be the day and I am in denial actually and wonder if I should turn off the Birthing Day track just in case it's not really the day (you aren't supposed to listen to it until you are in labor). Traffic is nice at 2 in the morning on our way to American Fork and we get there in about 20 minutes. I remember I didn't feel like walking into the hospital but I didn't feel like sitting in the car either so we go in. I didn't feel like moving and I didn't feel like sitting still- so you do the one that you know you need to do- move.
2:30 We head up to labor and delivery and tell them we think I'm in labor maybe and sign some forms. The nurse brings us to a room where they stick some monitors on and check to see how dilated I am. I am at a 6. My midwife comes and says I am very calm for being in active labor. That's when it all starts crashing down on me that this really could be it- I am in labor. And then I start feeling like I wish I wasn't- I want to wait a few more weeks! I don't want him to come early afterall.
3:00 We are brought to a delivery room where I am informed I do have Strept B and must be given antibiotics every 4 hours until the baby is born. I hate this fact and hate that I have to be tied up to a pole. It's so uncomfortable now- the pressure waves in my back- and now I have to have a needle in my hand- yuck. This is when I start really thinking what childbirth is and that I've prepared so much but still feel so unprepared for this moment in time. I can't picture a baby really coming out of me and I sincerely am scared of it. The pressure is intense but it's the end that I dread now- I didn't think I would feel all these emotions and not know what to do with them. My head starts going out of the game when I start thinking of an epidural. I request one and my midwife is surprised because she says I am doing so well relaxing. But I am feeling more and more like my emotions are going out of control and I just want the epidural. She checks me and I am a 7 now. She leaves so Jay and I can "discuss" getting the anesthesia. Jay asks me if this is really what I want and I am sure now that it is. I know all our plans and I know I've been practicing but honestly, I feel in that moment so unsure. I don't want to think anymore- I have prepared and I know that I wanted a natural birth before but I didn't know it would feel like this and I didn't know the baby would be early. It's funny because I look back on certain days when I was very confident about HypnoBabies and natural childbirth and think, "Today I could have the baby- my head is in the game" and there would be other days where I would know my head was not. Today my head was not- I didn't know if I could get it back in the game in time for the baby to arrive. The last thing I really wanted was for me to freak out- I know that's what causes a lot of the pain and labor not progressing etc.
My resolve to have my natural birth has almost completely vanished so he says he will support whatever I decide. The nurses come back in and hook me up to a saline solution so I am hydrated for the epidural. The anesthesiologist will be there in about 40 minutes so I take a bath while I'm waiting. The instant I am in the water, I am relaxed. "Wow, maybe I really could to through with a natural birth" I think to myself. Actually in that moment, I knew I could if I really wanted it bad enough. I toy with the idea of changing my mind. The water is wonderful and the jets feel really good too. It bothers me Jay is in the other room talking to the midwife- what are they talking about? I am really annoyed by this that I am not part of the conversation. Funny seeing as I am a little busy breathing through the pressure waves. They really don't last very long- the peak, the most intense part is only 2 seconds long or so and the rest of it I just breath through. Now, looking back I wonder why my emotions were so all over the place- I didn't expect it to be such a head game- the physical part is intense but it seriously is all your mind and what you choose to believe. I didn't know what to believe and my head was all over the place.
4:00 am The anesthesiologist has arrived so I get out of the tub and get dressed and waddle over to the table. I guess I can't tell him to leave now I think- they called him to come to work in the middle of the night- he wasn't even here- and now he probably got out of bed and drove over here and now I'm going to tell him nevermind? Plus I am still not sure if I want him to leave so I guess I am going through with the epidural. Now, Jay is terrified of needles so he goes to the side where he doesn't have to watch it being injected. Watching his face though makes me smile because he is so funny about the needles. I am just completely on board for the epidural now and don't care in the least how big it is or whatever- I'm just ready for it. I've made my decision.
It was probably about 8 when I got the epidural. I didn't even feel it- it was in before I knew it and I was laying back in bed. I might have felt another contraction, just not as intense and then before I knew it I wasn't feeling anything. The nurses showed me on he monitor when I was having a pressure wave and wow! I seriously couldn't feel anything. My midwife told me that now would be a good time to get some rest- just sleep for a couple hours and she'll come in when it's time to push. Wow- okay. So Jay pulls out the couch bed and zonks out no problem and I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep- should I watch something on the tv? Maybe I'll try to nap. I totally fall asleep for 2 hours and wake up at 9:30 when my midwife comes back and says it's time to start pushing.
So around 9:40 we start pushing that baby out. They were telling me when to push and that I should hold my breath and pushing with an epidural is a lot different than what I was planning on doing- (listening to my body when I felt the need to push). So I just did what they told me to do- I was in awe that I really couldn't feel anything (I was actually really hoping I would be able to feel
something). So I would push for 10 seconds during a wave then rest while we waited for more. After a few pushes they said they were able to see his head! Really? I didn't feel like this was me in labor- I felt like I was watching someone else from an angle of the laboring woman. Jay said he had a lot of hair. The midwife asked if I would like to feel his head- it was squishy- it didn't feel like that was his head. Now I was getting nervous that I would tear- that was a really big deal to me- I didn't want an episiotomy and I didn't want to tear. So the next couple of pushes were hard for me- obviously I couldn't feel anything but I didn't want to push very hard because I really wanted my skin to stretch. My midwife massaged my perineum as the baby's head started to emerge. Push!!! Push! PUSH!!! she told me excitedly.
10:04 and my baby was out. My heart leapt- could my baby really be here? I want to hold him.
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| My first moment holding our sweet baby |
They put him on my chest and my brain was still behind- I knew he was there but... he was here! I really couldn't believe it. It seemed a little anti-climatic and he was just there on my chest. (I don't know what I really expected). I honestly can say that I didn't know what to think or feel I just knew I wanted to hold him and see him- this baby I had carried for so long was on my chest? I could touch his fingers? I was having the hardest time understanding that this was really it- the moment I had been waiting for. I had been waiting so long for this moment. Then, he wasn't breathing very well and the nurses said he was too comfortable on mom's chest. They said he needed to cry to open his airways and they said they needed to go monitor him somewhere else to make sure he would be able to breath. I told Jay to stay with him and that I would be fine- I didn't want the baby to leave but if he had to Jay would be with him.
They left and then my brain came back to the room and my midwife said my perineum didn't tear at all! I had a small vaginal tear which she stitched up with one stitch- she asked me if I had done pernial massage and I really had only done it once or twice and I don't think I even did it correctly. I really don't know how that happened- I had been taking fish oil and doing squats- maybe that helped? Anyway, so now I am realizing I still haven't delivered the placenta. My midwife looked a little worried and said that something wasn't right because the placenta wasn't coming. She reached up there and said that my cervix was closing. What?!!! She looked worried and said she would need to help it come out. So she started pushing down really hard on my abdomen and pulling and tugging and squashing me. Nothing. Minutes ticked and she said she was running out of time to get it. She said this normally doesn't happen-it's rare to have the placenta stuck and the cervix closing. Then the phone rang.
The nurse handed the phone to me. I really am just preoccupied now with thoughts of what is happening to my body and why my placenta won't come out and what that could mean for me and how they are going to fix this problem and I am just too scared to even ask- I just want to go through whatever it is they have to do first, then I'll ask the questions that are storming into my mind.
Hello?" I said, going through the motions of what you do when you are handed a telephone.
"Aubrey!?!!!! It's mom- we saw your car was gone- are you at the hospital?"
They squashed my stomach again and by this time the epidural was starting to wear off and I could feel the squashing.
"Well, I will have to talk to you later- they are trying to get the placenta out mom." Was my response.
"You HAD THE BABY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The excitement and shock was apparent.
"Yes, I 'll talk to you later- bye". I handed the phone to the nurse.
Why hadn't I told her about the baby? Of course she didn't know- Jay and I had snuck out of the house to go have the baby so they wouldn't know (plus we didn't know for sure so we hadn't wanted to get everyone excited) and then I had just talked to her like she had known. All I said was I was getting the placenta out? Wow- oh well, I guess they know now at least!
My midwife was sweating and red in the face by this point and it had been 5-10 minutes now that she had been working on this darn placenta. She had another woman in labor at the Timapnogas hospital and needed to leave so she told me she was going to have another doctor help with the placenta and she looked at me with an expression in her eyes that willed me to understand she wasn't abandoning me and she trusted the doctor but really had to leave and was sorry- I totally understood and told her it wasn't a problem because it wasn't. I honestly was just so happy that they baby was fine and whatever happened to me now was totally alright and I knew that I was being taken care of and everyone was doing everything they could to help so I wasn't worried.
The new doctor was really nice and he knew what he was doing and hid his stress well. I was very impressed to say the least. He worked on me and told me he would have to get the placenta in pieces so he started tearing it out and squashing my abdomen- it was very uncomfortable but everyone kept saying how lucky I was to have an epidural and that I should be grateful. Well, I was. Finally the doctor said he thought he had it all and showed me the mess of chunks of placenta on this tray and said, "I think we have it- I put it together like a puzzle and I think it's all here- if not you will have to have a D&C to get the rest but I'm thinking it's here". Awesome. Get that out of my face- that's disgusting. I don't even know what a placenta looks like, let alone am I going to be able to distinguish if the puzzle is all put together correctly. I trusted him that it was there.
Then everyone cleaned up and my family called again and I said they could come. This part was all kind of a blur but they came and I told them about the labor, then they went to go see the baby in the nursery where Jay was faithfully staying right next to him. I was alone and they said they were going to move me to another room so I was helped into a wheelchair and on the way to the other room I threw up (good thing they gave me a bag). They actually forgot to give me a bag and I told the nurse and she had to run and grab one but we got it in time. Then I was helped to use the restroom in my new room and I have never peed so long in my life- I wonder if the catheter had worked during labor- I thought it was supposed to drain my bladder but I think I peed for 2 minutes straight. I didn't think that was humanly possible. Then I got to lay down and now I wanted to see my baby! Why were they keeping him so long?
Then, finally they brought him back and I could hold him. I think this is when my brain finally caught up to the reality that I had my baby boy. Now that my brain was on board, my heart could catch up too and I felt all the love in the world for this tiny creature. He was here and he is mine. I cried and laughed and Jay and I took some time to bond as a family for a while just basking in the presence of this perfect newborn.
We cried some more and hugged and just silently loved our baby and took it all in. We were all here- the delivery had gone so well-the only bump being the placenta. We had all 7 pounds 20 inches and a dark full head of hair to love. I didn't know my heart could feel so full. I wanted that moment to last forever.
What an amazing, crazy experience.
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| Brand new into the world |
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| So beautiful |
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| Dad stayed by his side |
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| Strong grasp to dad's finger |
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| Cleaned up and breathing well and finally back to mom! |
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| He just slept and slept |
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| I might have been a tad tired too... |
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| My midwife said, "You have an abnormally cute child. You know that, right?" |
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| He is abnormally cute if I do say so myself |
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| I can't help the tears from flowing when I look at this face |
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| Jay loves his little boy. I love my two boys! |
*I realized I didn't once mention my midwife's name in this post- her name is Jen! She is so awesome!!!
Grant.
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