19 Weeks of Pregnancy

How far along: 19 Weeks

Total weight gain: ? No scale...hope the doctor's appointment isn't too big of a surprise.

Maternity clothes: Yes.

Stretch marks: Okay, last time I mentioned I had them EVERYWHERE on my belly... Can I just say coconut oil is AMAZING! AMAZING! Did you get that? They have all but disappeared! I can still see a couple faded marks from where I was stretching but it has made all the difference in the world. I just stalked up at Costco with 2 big gallon containers of the stuff. I use it for everything now.

Sleep: Eh- it's fine. The transition for Grant to sleep in his own bed has been really slooow. His little mattress is next to our bed and he'll sleep there...sometimes...I always put him down for nap in his bed but bedtime he still wakes up and wants to cuddle and nurse. I think we might take away night nursing pretty soon...he's almost done teething so the plan is to have Jay get him some water and tell him he can have "mama milk" in the morning. This is plan A. Coming into effect...soon....

Best moment of this week: I got to feel my little angel kick against my hand this week. He/she is getting so strong and I think Jay will be able to feel soon.

Miss anything: Clothes that are cute and fit right and are functional. Seriously try shopping for a shirt that fits a pregnant belly, allows easy access for nursing, is modest, and cute! It's kind of tough. Oh and they don't carry maternity nursing garments...that would have been nice. Oh well.

Movement: So much! It's funny though because I'm so distracted with life in this pregnancy that the kicks catch me off guard and I almost get annoyed, like, "What is that?! Oh...yah...the baby...Yay!!"

Food cravings: Cereal. I'm so bummed because I know it's not the best food for my candida diet (did I mention I have that? Yah, it's not very fun...and Jay has it too so we have to seriously change what we are eating).

Anything making you queasy or sick: Randomly I will get nauseous and I think it's when I go too long without eating something. Snacks are a must now.

Have you started to show yet: I might just delete this question...really? Really.

Gender: Human.

Labor signs: Today we went for a hike up the canyon to collect leaves with our friends from Nepal and I was feeling it. Those muscles in the belly start cramping up or stretching or something.

Belly button in or out: In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Exercise and preparation for birth: Exercise? Eh...does chasing Grant around count? It's a workout I tell you. Then we still try to go for walks when the weather is good enough and a hike today- it was beautiful. I love being able to walk around in nature- especially now with all the leaves changing.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy:)

Looking forward to: Eating healthier! We have found some great spices and recipe ideas (from Sushila) that will help with our candida and be delicious. I'm excited to incorporate more veggies and beans in my diet. Get some healthy protein for the babe and kick candida in the butt? Awesome plan.

Thoughts on HypnoBabies After Birth

So now that you've delivered a baby and can look back and reflect on your experience with labor and delivery, what do you think about it all now?

For those of you interested in how I prepared for birth and what I think about it now, here we go:

First of all, what is HypnoBabies? 

For those of you who don't know let me explain:
Hypnobabies is really just a series of techniques to calm your mind and your body. It reminded me a lot of yoga- concentrating on deep belly breaths and using calming words like "peace", "relax" etc.
It is not what you first think as hypnosis- someone taking over your mind- it is you controlling your mind and the Hypnobabies classes prepares you to think about childbirth as comfortable and natural and that your body is meant to give birth.

You can find out what mom's say about Hypnobabies and more about it here.


 Why did I desire to have a natural birth?
Have you ever seen a movie about someone giving birth? Or listened to horrific and horrible stories of women and all they went through for their kids to come into the world? It's almost a competition sometimes- one lady will go off on this and this that happened and then another women will contribute that the last story was nothing, hers was even worse and so and and so forth. That's just accepted because that's what you hear all the time. And I had never really thought about it until I lived with my cousin Brooke who had her first baby naturally.  As a non-pregnant girl who wasn't even married at the time, having children seemed far out and I didn't really realize that that was considered a big deal to people- I just thought that was great that she was able to deliver her child naturally and left it at that.

When I became pregnant, everything changed. I really began wondering about natural birth after I had read and done some research on food and medicine. A lot of times people have some kind of problem with their body and seek medical attention to help with the problem when really diet alone could have reversed/fixed the problem. Just knowing that if you are giving your body the nutrients it needs (and not filling it with sugar/processed/junk food) then really your body is pretty amazing at healing and functioning the way God made it to work. I am not saying everything is always fixed by proper food or that we don't need medicine/doctors because I know they do save lives- I am just saying that our bodies are very amazing and a lot of the time there is a "bandaid" solution (i.e. medicine) for problems with the body that could easily be fixed by proper nutrition.

So- just having this knowledge and understanding that my body is truly a miracle and I just need to feed it the right stuff gets you wondering what else I really don't understand about the human body. When I became pregnant, it was inevitable really that I would be interested now in what a woman's body was capable of and if this was one of those instances where medicine wasn't needed normally.

Once you are on the path to wanting to know more, it's hard to stop! I checked out 20 books from the library on natural birth and started talking to people who had gone through it themselves (my mother-in-law had all 5 kids naturally and my aunt had 3 out of 5 of hers naturally) and my cousin just gave birth to her 3rd without medical intervention!

The thing that got me the most excited about natural birth was reading about a physician named Grantley Dick Reid.  He was studying to be a doctor and happened to help a woman who was giving birth in the street. He talked about how the woman really was just concentrating and that she wasn't screaming and cursing- she was just breathing and the baby and birth happened so smoothly. It was so different than what he had been experiencing as an intern that he started really looking into it more and discovered some amazing things.

So, I bought some books from Amazon-(The Bradley Method, Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth, Giving Birth Naturally in a Hosptial, etc. ) and really started to see that women who have done a natural birth describe it as empowering and some even went as far as to say it was "pain-free". Our minds are incredible. I don't think anyone really understands the power of the mind, but I do know that what I have learned so far in my life is you are what you think. The ideas intrigued me.

Okay, Okay, so why?
The main reason I ended up really wanting a natural birth was because I wanted to feel those emotions your body is programmed to feel for a baby when you give birth. I wanted to avoid possible complications that can arise from having medical interventions. I wanted recovery to be quick and easy. I wanted to believe in my body. I wanted to believe that God, the perfect designer, would design a woman's body to be able to give birth without all the screaming and agony.


What did you learn from researching natural birth?
I learned a ton. The main thing I learned that I kept getting was that a woman's body is meant to give birth.  And another thing: our society associates childbirth with pain. And who wants to feel pain? If you have a choice, it's easy to of course choose the "no pain" option.

I learned the mind is powerful and you can tell your body what to feel. Words are so important. Instead of contraction, use "pressure wave". When you say the word "peace" it can actually cause a chemical reaction in your body to help you relax. Your body knows what words mean and responds accordingly.



Why did it change during labor? Did I get an epidural because HypnoBabies wasn't "working"?
As I look back:
#1 I think the main reason I lost my focus was because I believed that somehow I had caused my body to go into labor: I was drinking raspberry leaf tea, squatting, walking, etc. and I was scared that the baby wasn't ready and I had somehow caused it. I really thought I wanted him to come early but when it happened I felt guilty like I did something wrong and I really was expecting to go another 2-3 weeks, knowing most first time moms go 41 weeks.
#2 reason: I wasn't sure I was in labor until I went to the hospital and was told I was already in active labor. I think that really threw me. I didn't know what to expect from my contractions and they were nothing like I imagined.
#3 reason: In the hospital I did become afraid of the end part. I don't know, it was almost like I believe a woman's body was meant to do it and I believed it to be true but somehow for me personally I wasn't sure.
#4 reason: I stopped using my HypnoBabies tools and didn't even try to listen to the recording once I thought of the epidural.
#5 reason: I didn't claim the birth as my own. I let myself be put into the hospital setting and I took a backseat approach almost- just kind of not having the authority over my birth. I felt like after I had to be hooked up to the IV and not move around, that now how was I supposed to do it? I didn't have a back-up plan of what I would do. Also, after the anesthesiologist was called and I was thinking maybe I could do the natural way, I pushed the thought away because I was making it difficult for someone else. This was my birth and I should have claimed it as such, even if I had to be annoying to someone or cause them to get out of bed and come to the hospital just to be sent home again and so what if I decided that I did want it again? I wish I could have had the courage to claim the birth as mine and be a little bit of a pain if that's what was going to make it happen the way I had wanted it to.

What tools did I use from HypnoBabies during labor that I will use again? What tools did I not use that I wish I would have?
Oh I love all of the tools!
The finger drop is useful but I realized that I needed to be moving around which means I wish I would have used the "middle-switch" tool more: which is imagery of a switch being in the middle position. Off switch means your whole body is relaxed- even if you wanted to move anything you just couldn't because you are that relaxed or "off" and middle switch is everything is "off" from your chest down through the middle of your thighs. Then you can move around the room using your arms and legs but letting your abdomen remain relaxed. If I could have practiced the middle switch more I really believe that would have been HUGE.

Another one that I wish I had used was the CD at the time I arrived at the hospital. I got there and when your mind starts wandering and wondering I think the CD would have reassured me that I could do it. I know I will be listening next time.

Do I wish to have a natural birth in the future? Will I use HypnoBabies again?

I am so looking forward to using HypnoBabies again in the future. I would love more than anything to have the natural birth I have dreamed of. The one where I feel empowered by the birth of my child. The one where I am comfortable and trusting that my body feels the way it does for a purpose and that purpose is bringing a new life into the world. Knowing in my mind and my heart that it is possible.

Thoughts and feelings on my medicated birth after wanting and planning for a natural birth:

I have had some difficulty with the fact that I didn't make it what I wanted it to be.

I kept thinking, "I need to keep an open mind and be ready to have medicine if that's what I believe I need" and I know I have read things that say "Don't set yourself up to feel bad if the natural birth doesn't work out because it really is about having a healthy baby and you shouldn't feel disappointed because you got your healthy baby in a way that wasn't planned.

But I have some thoughts on that: If you never set yourself up for disappointment aren't you playing life too safe? Honestly I was disappointed and I even shed some tears on the fact that I had failed the birth I had wanted. Not to say that my birth was horrible because it was actually really smooth and perfect and there were no complications for the baby or myself (other than the placenta thing at the end) but I recovered great and the baby is doing awesome. I was disappointed that I didn't get the actual birthing experience I was hoping for and that's okay. I'm okay with that fact because that meant I had a dream. It's okay to dream and sometimes dreaming means being frustrated or disappointed at times but if you never dream it how could it ever even be a possibility? That's like shutting off a complete possibility before it even happens just because you don't want to be disappointed. Na- I'm good with being disappointed and happy about my birth at the same time.

And in the long run I am so very happy I attempted to learn all I did and I am so happy in the fact that know of this program and have read all these stories and seen actual births that aren't traumatic. Births can be powerful and wonderful. I truly believe that.  And my birth was that. It was calm and there was no screaming   involved in the least. I just know that I could have relaxed more and trusted more in my body.

Conclusion:

HypnoBabies gave me the confidence I needed going into labor. I needed to hear that birth wasn't a scary thing. I needed to know that there were other women who believed in that and were able to have their children without medicine and live to say that it wasn't these horrible experiences I know a lot of women go through during birth.  I am a huge fan and would recommend it to anyone interested in finding out how you can relax your body and the amazing thing a woman's body is meant to do: give birth.

I love love love HypnoBabies and will definitely be using it again in the future;)

My Birth Story

Okay, I finally finished writing down the details of my labor and delivery-
And when I say, "details" I mean DEtails.

Alright so here is basically what went down: (It might get too detailed at times and a little gross but hey-it's part of having a baby and I want to remember it how it happened).

Wednesday: I had been feeling sick and didn't get any sleep Tuesday night because I was nauseous, achy and flu-like.  My head was beating at me like there were little dwarfs with pick axes hammering in my head.  I don't remember the last time I have felt that horrible. I kept thinking, "Oh good, at least I am getting over my sickness before I go into labor!"

Thursday: Still wasn't feeling too hot but I had my baby shower to go to so I forced myself to shower and look presentable. It wasn't that hard to smile and have a good time seeing old friends and getting awesome gifts though- it was really fun.

Friday: I don't remember friday- I think we just got the rest of the hospital bags packed and I typed my birth plan up finally- which took, I'm serious, like 5 hours. I had to re-research everything and make sure every detail was exactly the way I wanted it.

*Pretty much I wanted a natural childbirth and listed detailed ways I wanted to go about the whole birthing process.

Then, Friday night I was nesting! I had been so tired all day and then BAM! I just wanted to make sure everything was in order- Jay wanted to go out and I pushed him to stay home and help me put some stuff together and clean a bit (he actually wasn't too happy about it) but we got a lot done and then when I realized I was "nesting" I slowed down and knew I should get some rest. I just felt like I should sleep tonight instead of stay up cleaning so we went to bed around 10 or so and got a good night's rest (8 hours or so! which is the best we've gotten in a while, especially this week with me feeling sick all the time).

Saturday (gross alert): I was feeling more pressure in my pelvis- and every time I would use the restroom I would see more of the plug. (I thought I had already lost it! Why was there more?) Seriously every time I went I saw more and I really didn't think that much of it other than I was surprised that it just kept coming. My mom decided to help me plant my garden finally (I had seeds but she just went and got some starts since we are planting so late). I have been such a slacker with it and I was so grateful she was helping! I walked over to my Grandma's house (We decided to do the garden there so the dogs wouldn't get into the garden and so we could walk over and visit her often) to see the progress and I wanted to help out but I just was feeling like just sitting was good enough so I watched as my mom and sister planted and occasionally would get up to use the restroom or turn the water on for them.

Saturday night at around 7 I started kind of feeling achy in my back. I took a shower later around 10 and laid down but I just kept feeling achy. Jay asked if I was ready for bed around 11 or so and I said we could try but that I was feeling achy in my back. In the back of my mind I wondered if this was labor because I remembered Nicole told me that that was how she felt at the start of her labor. It couldn't be though and I shouldn't think that because I was only still barely over 37 weeks. I just kept thinking that maybe the way I had been sitting all day made my back achy or maybe at 37 weeks and a few days your body just starts shifting around more to get ready for the baby so that's why I was feeling like that. You're body is always changing with new aches and pains on a weekly basis so I figured this really could just be something that I'm going to have to live with until birth (ha ha- which I figured would be another 2 weeks).

12:00 am I told Jay he should run to redbox and grab Courageous since we've been wanting to see that and watch that tonight to try to fall asleep to. We started the movie at around 12:30 and I just couldn't sit still. Soon I was feeling like every 10 minutes or so I needed to have a bm so I would run to the toilet and sit down and feel that urge but nothing. I was confused. Maybe I have some weird sickness? Maybe I am constipated- that happens you know. But the ache in my back was getting a little stronger at times and I was beginning to wonder if that was a pressure wave/ contraction. So what do I do? I googled it of course! So many people describe their contractions as tightening in their abdomen and I just wasn't feeling any of that. But then I did notice a few saying it felt like what I was going through: just achy back and feeling like they needed to poop. So that's when I started thinking this could be contractions! I was still very much in doubt though. So my back was achy the whole time but then it was just get a bit achy-er every 5 minutes and I thought- "No way this is real- what if it is though? I would not want to have the baby here if this is really it....maybe I should tell Jay that we should go- no maybe not- okay I think I will".

1:30 am I tell Jay I think we should go to the hospital. He's confused and doesn't think I'm in labor either. We both just kind of doubt it but then I go back to knowing that the peak of achiness is coming every 4 minutes in my back so if we drive to the hospital and are told they are braxton hicks I will feel dumb but it would be better to be safe than sorry. So he starts getting things together and I go upstairs to see if I can make the brownies for the nurses. What if I'm not in labor though? How dumb- maybe I'll just bring the box. I don't actually feel like I could just stand there and wait for brownies to cook either- I am feeling more and more like going to the hospital is a good idea because every four minutes I have to stop and just breath through my achy back. Plus, everyone is sleeping and I don't want to get everyone excited about us leaving for the hospital  so I just grab the box and we head out.

On the way I listen to my Birthing Day affirmations HypnoBabies track which helps me stay calm and believe that my body is doing okay and the baby is doing okay. Still, in the back of my mind I wonder if today will be the day and I am in denial actually and wonder if I should turn off the Birthing Day track just in case it's not really the day (you aren't supposed to listen to it until you are in labor). Traffic is nice at 2 in the morning on our way to American Fork and we get there in about 20 minutes. I remember I didn't feel like walking into the hospital but I didn't feel like sitting in the car either so we go in. I didn't feel like moving and I didn't feel like sitting still- so you do the one that you know you need to do- move.

2:30 We head up to labor and delivery and tell them we think I'm in labor maybe and sign some forms. The nurse brings us to a room where they stick some monitors on and check to see how dilated I am. I am at a 6. My midwife comes and says I am very calm for being in active labor. That's when it all starts crashing down on me that this really could be it- I am in labor. And then I start feeling like I wish I wasn't- I want to wait a few more weeks! I don't want him to come early afterall.

3:00 We are brought to a delivery room where I am informed I do have Strept B and must be given antibiotics every 4 hours until the baby is born. I hate this fact and hate that I have to be tied up to a pole. It's so uncomfortable now- the pressure waves in my back- and now I have to have a needle in my hand- yuck. This is when I start really thinking what childbirth is and that I've prepared so much but still feel so unprepared for this moment in time. I can't picture a baby really coming out of me and I sincerely am scared of it. The pressure is intense but it's the end that I dread now- I didn't think I would feel all these emotions and not know what to do with them. My head starts going out of the game when I start thinking of an epidural. I request one and my midwife is surprised because she says I am doing so well relaxing. But I am feeling more and more like my emotions are going out of control and I just want the epidural. She checks me and I am a 7 now. She leaves so Jay and I can "discuss" getting the anesthesia. Jay asks me if this is really what I want and I am sure now that it is. I know all our plans and I know I've been practicing but honestly, I feel in that moment so unsure. I don't want to think anymore- I have prepared and I know that I wanted a natural birth before but I didn't know it would feel like this and I didn't know the baby would be early. It's funny because I look back on certain days when I was very confident about HypnoBabies and natural childbirth and think, "Today I could have the baby- my head is in the game" and there would be other days where I would know my head was not. Today my head was not- I didn't know if I could get it back in the game in time for the baby to arrive. The last thing I really wanted was for me to freak out- I know that's what causes a lot of the pain and labor not progressing etc.

 My resolve to have my natural birth has almost completely vanished so he says he will support whatever I decide. The nurses come back in and hook me up to a saline solution so I am hydrated for the epidural. The anesthesiologist will be there in about 40 minutes so I take a bath while I'm waiting. The instant I am in the water, I am relaxed. "Wow, maybe I really could to through with a natural birth" I think to myself. Actually in that moment, I knew I could if I really wanted it bad enough. I toy with the idea of changing my mind. The water is wonderful and the jets feel really good too. It bothers me Jay is in the other room talking to the midwife- what are they talking about? I am really annoyed by this that I am not part of the conversation. Funny seeing as I am a little busy breathing through the pressure waves. They really don't last very long- the peak, the most intense part is only 2 seconds long or so and the rest of it I just breath through. Now, looking back I wonder why my emotions were so all over the place- I didn't expect it to be such a head game- the physical part is intense but it seriously is all your mind and what you choose to believe. I didn't know what to believe and my head was all over the place.

4:00 am The anesthesiologist has arrived so I get out of the tub and get dressed and waddle over to the table. I guess I can't tell him to leave now I think- they called him to come to work in the middle of the night- he wasn't even here- and now he probably got out of bed and drove over here and now I'm going to tell him nevermind? Plus I am still not sure if I want him to leave so I guess I am going through with the epidural. Now, Jay is terrified of needles so he goes to the side where he doesn't have to watch it being injected. Watching his face though makes me smile because he is so funny about the needles. I am just completely on board for the epidural now and don't care in the least how big it is or whatever- I'm just ready for it. I've made my decision.

It was probably about 8 when I got the epidural. I didn't even feel it- it was in before I knew it and I was laying back in bed. I might have felt another contraction, just not as intense and then before I knew it I wasn't feeling anything. The nurses showed me on he monitor when I was having a pressure wave and wow! I seriously couldn't feel anything. My midwife told me that now would be a good time to get some rest- just sleep for a couple hours and she'll come in when it's time to push. Wow- okay. So Jay pulls out the couch bed and zonks out no problem and I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep- should I watch something on the tv? Maybe I'll try to nap. I totally fall asleep for 2 hours and wake up at 9:30 when my midwife comes back and says it's time to start pushing.

So around 9:40 we start pushing that baby out. They were telling me when to push and that I should hold my breath and pushing with an epidural is a lot different than what I was planning on doing- (listening to my body when I felt the need to push). So I just did what they told me to do- I was in awe that I really couldn't feel anything (I was actually really hoping I would be able to feel something).  So I would push for 10 seconds during a wave then rest while we waited for more. After a few pushes they said they were able to see his head! Really? I didn't feel like this was me in labor- I felt like I was watching someone else from an angle of the laboring woman. Jay said he had a lot of hair. The midwife asked if I would like to feel his head- it was squishy- it didn't feel like that was his head. Now I was getting nervous that I would tear- that was a really big deal to me- I didn't want an episiotomy and I didn't want to tear. So the next couple of pushes were hard for me- obviously I couldn't feel anything but I didn't want to push very hard because I really wanted my skin to stretch. My midwife massaged my perineum as the baby's head started to emerge. Push!!! Push! PUSH!!! she told me excitedly.
10:04 and my baby was out. My heart leapt- could my baby really be here? I want to hold him.

My first moment holding our sweet baby

They put him on my chest and my brain was still behind- I knew he was there but... he was here! I really couldn't believe it. It seemed a little anti-climatic and he was just there on my chest. (I don't know what I really expected). I honestly can say that I didn't know what to think or feel I just knew I wanted to hold him and see him- this baby I had carried for so long was on my chest? I could touch his fingers? I was having the hardest time understanding that this was really it- the moment I had been waiting for. I had been waiting so long for this moment. Then, he wasn't breathing very well and the nurses said he was too comfortable on mom's chest. They said he needed to cry to open his airways and they said they needed to go monitor him somewhere else to make sure he would be able to breath. I told Jay to stay with him and that I would be fine- I didn't want the baby to leave but if he had to Jay would be with him.

They left and then my brain came back to the room and my midwife said my perineum didn't tear at all! I had a small vaginal tear which she stitched up with one stitch- she asked me if I had done pernial massage and I really had only done it once or twice and I don't think I even did it correctly. I really don't know how that happened- I had been taking fish oil and doing squats- maybe that helped? Anyway, so now I am realizing I still haven't delivered the placenta. My midwife looked a little worried and said that something wasn't right because the placenta wasn't coming. She reached up there and said that my cervix was closing. What?!!! She looked worried and said she would need to help it come out. So she started pushing down really hard on my abdomen and pulling and tugging and squashing me. Nothing. Minutes ticked and she said she was running out of time to get it. She said this normally doesn't happen-it's rare to have the placenta stuck and the cervix closing. Then the phone rang.

The nurse handed the phone to me. I really am just preoccupied now with thoughts of what is happening to my body and why my placenta won't come out and what that could mean for me and how they are going to fix this problem and I am just too scared to even ask- I just want to go through whatever it is they have to do first, then I'll ask the questions that are storming into my mind.

Hello?" I said, going through the motions of what you do when you are handed a telephone.
"Aubrey!?!!!! It's mom- we saw your car was gone- are you at the hospital?"

They squashed my stomach again and by this time the epidural was starting to wear off and I could feel the squashing.

"Well, I will have to talk to you later- they are trying to get the placenta out mom." Was my response.
"You HAD THE BABY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The excitement and shock was apparent.
"Yes, I 'll talk to you later- bye". I handed the phone to the nurse.

Why hadn't I told her about the baby? Of course she didn't know- Jay and I had snuck out of the house to go have the baby so they wouldn't know (plus we didn't know for sure so we hadn't wanted to get everyone excited) and then I had just talked to her like she had known. All I said was I was getting the placenta out? Wow- oh well, I guess they know now at least!

My midwife was sweating and red in the face by this point and it had been 5-10 minutes now that she had been working on this darn placenta. She had another woman in labor at the Timapnogas hospital and needed to leave so she told me she was going to have another doctor help with the placenta and she looked at me with an expression in her eyes that willed me to understand she wasn't abandoning me and she trusted the doctor but really had to leave and was sorry- I totally understood and told her it wasn't a problem because it wasn't. I honestly was just so happy that they baby was fine and whatever happened to me now was totally alright and I knew that I was being taken care of and everyone was doing everything they could to help so I wasn't worried.

The new doctor was really nice and he knew what he was doing and hid his stress well. I was very impressed to say the least. He worked on me and told me he would have to get the placenta in pieces so he started tearing it out and squashing my abdomen- it was very uncomfortable but everyone kept saying how lucky I was to have an epidural and that I should be grateful. Well, I was. Finally the doctor said he thought he had it all and showed me the mess of chunks of placenta on this tray and said, "I think we have it- I put it together like a puzzle and I think it's all here- if not you will have to have a D&C to get the rest but I'm thinking it's here". Awesome. Get that out of my face- that's disgusting. I don't even know what a placenta looks like, let alone am I going to be able to distinguish if the puzzle is all put together correctly. I trusted him that it was there.

Then everyone cleaned up and my family called again and I said they could come. This part was all kind of a blur but they came and I told them about the labor, then they went to go see the baby in the nursery where Jay was faithfully staying right next to him. I was alone and they said they were going to move me to another room so I was helped into a wheelchair and on the way to the other room I threw up (good thing they gave me a bag). They actually forgot to give me a bag and I told the nurse and she had to run and grab one but we got it in time. Then I was helped to use the restroom in my new room and I have never peed so long in my life- I wonder if the catheter had worked during labor- I thought it was supposed to drain my bladder but I think I peed for 2 minutes straight. I didn't think that was humanly possible. Then I got to lay down and now I wanted to see my baby! Why were they keeping him so long?

Then, finally they brought him back and I could hold him. I think this is when my brain finally caught up to the reality that I had my baby boy. Now that my brain was on board, my heart could catch up too and I felt all the love in the world for this tiny creature. He was here and he is mine. I cried and laughed and Jay and I took some time to bond as a family for a while just basking in the presence of this perfect newborn.

We cried some more and hugged and just silently loved our baby and took it all in. We were all here- the delivery had gone so well-the only bump being the placenta. We had all 7 pounds 20 inches and a dark full head of hair to love. I didn't know my heart could feel so full. I wanted that moment to last forever.

What an amazing, crazy experience.

Brand new into the world

So beautiful 

Dad stayed by his side

Strong grasp to dad's finger

Cleaned up and breathing well and finally back to mom!

He just slept and slept

I might have been a tad tired too...

My midwife said, "You have an abnormally cute child. You know that, right?"

He is abnormally cute if I do say so myself

I can't help the tears from flowing when I look at this face

Jay loves his little boy. I love my two boys!

*I realized I didn't once mention my midwife's name in this post- her name is Jen! She is so awesome!!!

Week 37

Okay, time to catch up.... This is from week 37 (May 9th)


I kept wanting to take a picture but I never really felt very good this week-I will post one from when I forced myself to get ready for my baby shower.

Month: 8
Total Weight Gain: 36 pounds


Symptoms: ankles, hands and feet swollen a lot, still got heartburn, I have to wake up and pee like 3-4 times a night.

May 4th: I always laughed at those pregnant ladies who said they were, "done" with being pregnant- I would always think, "But you've been pregnant for how long? Like 37 weeks and you only have a few more? How hard can it really be?  It's not that much longer"!!
Now I laugh because....I get it. Okay. I get it. I want the baby out.  How can I get any bigger than this?

May 5th: my belly matches a watermelon-like EXactly. We compared- now I want a shirt with a watermelon on it!!!! I need one of these maybe:

Love it!

Common joke 

Can I give one to my baby?!!! ha ha

Ninja Baby

May 7th:  Best part of my week! Pregnancy massage! It's actually really helping my shoulder pain a ton- I still feel it but it's just achy, not stabbing pain anymore! Yipee!!!!!

May 8th: Nearly sleepless night-probably got 3 hours or so- I was so sick: throat, head, congested, nauseous-yuck. Did I ever tell you I have the best husband in the world? He stayed up with me and massaged my head while we watched a movie together. And he still had to go to work today! I guess I'm training him for sleepless nights with a baby;)

May 9th: I dreamed a couple of weeks ago that I had my baby today! I went to my baby appointment in the morning and had the Strept B test and they checked to see how dilated/effaced I was and I am 2.5cm and 90% effaced! I googled to see what that meant for other people and most people said within the next few days not to be surprised if the baby comes. Then my neighbor said she was 100% effaced, 4 cm dilated for 3 weeks with each of her kids so who really knows what that means for me personally. But-I am very excited that my body is getting ready!!!! Oh I also had them check my iron levels (I have been eating more iron rich foods and drinking veggie juice, not taking the pills) and they said I am normal! Yipee!!!! Really glad I didn't have to take the iron pills and could just eat different things to help my body get that iron.

Also, my baby shower was today! Amanda and Chelsie and Christina are so awesome for pulling that together- it was so cute and I am so blessed to have people give me things that I need. I got some cute outfits and a baby-carrier and toys and diapers!!!! I think I might have been the most excited about the diapers! ha ha. My favorite gift was from Lynette who drove out from Erda to come to my shower (she is the coolest pretty much). It was a onsie with a cute little saying on it:

I laughed pretty hard at that one- Thanks Lynette!!!

Red Raspberry Leaf Herbal Tea

 I started taking red raspberry leaf herbal tea. I have done some research on this and apparently it is really good for the female body- along with the pregnant female body. There are recommendations to start in the 3rd trimester or at 36 weeks so I guess I'm not "late" in starting, even though I wish I had known about this sooner.
I researched the benefits and this is what I found:
 Red Raspberry Leaf (Rubus idaeus) tones the uterus, improves contractions and decreases constipation. Most of the benefits given to regular use of Raspberry lea tea throughout pregnancy can be traced to the strengthening power of fragrine, an alkaloid which gives tone to the muscles of the pelvic region, including the uterus itself; and to the nourishing power of the vitamins and minerals found in this plant. There is rich concentration of Vitamin C, the presence of Vitamin E and the easily assimilated calcium and iron. Raspberry leaves also contain vitamins A and B complex and many minerals, including phosphorus and potassium.
When to use: There are two basic points of view on the subject. There is agreement among many clinicians that in the 3rd trimester frequent (2- 3 cups per day of tea or 1 – 2 cups per day of infusion) is beneficial to the uterine and pelvic muscles. 

• Reducing pain during labor and after birth. By toning the muscles used during labor and birth, Raspberry leaf eliminates many of the reasons for a painful birth and prolonged recovery. It does not counter the pain of dilation of the cervix.

Red Raspberry Leaves do not start or encourage labor. It can help the contractions to be productive once true labor has begun because it strengthens the uterine and pelvic muscles but it is not an oxytonic herb (one that would induce labor). That being said, it’s important to talk with your midwife, obstetrician or herbalist before beginning drinking red raspberry leaf tea or taking a supplement. Some will recommend you wait until you are 36 weeks along before incorporating the tea into your health regime while others may encourage you to begin right away. Each situation and pregnancy is different so it’s best to get other’s opinions before beginning red raspberry leaf tea.

http://womanplace.wordpress.com/2011/06/19/the-benefits-of-red-raspberry-leaf-tea-in-pregnancy/

I also looked up what a bunch of people had said when they took this tea and I have found surprising and awesome reviews of the stuff! I am so happy that I am starting now, at 36 weeks so my muscles will have time to absorb the nutrients provided in these leaves!


I have also talked with the nurses and midwives and everyone says it is safe but to not put too much hope in it either- who knows if it will actually make a difference in sensation of labor but I am hopeful.

My Dream (one of those pregnancy ones)

I dreamt last night that baby was born!

It was really different because I didn't tell anyone that I was going into labor, not even Jay. And I stayed home and it was so fast. All of a sudden I was holding my baby boy in my arms and nobody knew! How fun it was going to be to surprise everyone.

Then I was holding him and saying his name that we picked out for him.  All of a sudden he was older- like 4 or 5 and he told me he knew his name because I always said it and he knew my voice too-but he thought it was weird that I was talking in a "baby voice" to him since I never used that voice. He knew his name but kind of shrugged at it and said, "Well, that's what you've been calling me" like he wasn't that excited about it. Then he was really tall- and he looked a lot like Jay- dark hair, freckles, blue eyes. I tried calling him the name we had picked and it just didn't fit- I mean he accepted it because that's what we call him but I'm not sure now if that is going to be his name....

Then, I went upstairs but now I was looking for my baby- I needed to feed him, I was sure that's what you were supposed to do after giving birth and I was looking and everyone was home but nobody noticed that my huge belly was gone. I was shocked that people talked to me and didn't notice my belly was gone. I had to find the baby so I could just show them.

This dream was a little weird- that he was older and everything and he talked to me but I have to tell you the whole delivery part was awesome. I am actually really looking forward to labor and that will mean I will get to meet my little man. And he will grow someday and I am looking forward to being his mom.

I don't know if this happens to other pregnant women with the first child but I start really thinking about what this is going to mean- I have to grow up- now I can't be the whiny one or be the one taken care of all the time- now I am going to take care of someone else- I almost feel like I am going to be a different person. It scares me sometimes to think what a big change a little person will bring.

But after this dream I am just totally excited. Excited to make that change- even though it's scary. I am so happy that I am going to be a mom to this person and take care of him and raise him to be good. I seriously can't wait.

Week 36

Month: 8!!!! Final stretch y'all.
Weight Gain: 35 lbs
Facts: Baby is as big as a crenshaw melon- yah never heard of it but we are in the melons people! That's a big deal. He's supposedly around 6 pounds and 19 inches-I can feel that.

Journal:

April 26th: I could have my baby in a week and he would be considered full term. Better start packing for the hospital. I made the list.

April 27th: Emotional day today- tears that could fill a nice little swimming pool probably. Haven't had a good cry for a while- I think it's healthy once in a while.

April 28th: Really achy and head hurting, nauseous. So, so cold then randomly really hot. Small fever- Jay was so so sweet to me. He helped me with anything and everything that I needed and ran to the grocery store in the middle of the night to get me juice and Tylenol and then stayed up watching Merlin with me to make sure he could keep wetting down the washcloth to put on my head and filling up my cup with juice and making sure that I was taken care of. What a miserable night, but what a wonderful loving husband I have. I slept a ton today after I had some medicine. Oh, and as I was feeling progressively worse, I must admit that it crossed my mind I wouldn't have to give my talk the next day...which was a plus to being sick;) So I called the 1st counselor and told him to have a back-up just in case.

April 29th: I know I could have gotten out of the talk because I was sick but I went and did it- and didn't throw up! Success! And the first counselor came up to me afterwards and said that my back-up had been praying fervently for me to be well today and that his testimony in prayer had been strengthened because I showed up. ha ha.

April 30th: Jay has been so awesome! Holy cow, he has been helping me around the house and making sure that I don't feel overwhelmed with things and just taking care of me and telling me I am doing a good job growing a baby! Thanks honey, it means so much to hear you say things and all the help you are giving me- you are the BEST!!!

May 1st: This is it- one more month. I think it finally hit Jay tonight that we could really have a baby here really soon-I always say, "Jay, we are having a baby!" Like it's an announcement and new and that is how he sounded the other night when he said it to me!

May 2nd: I don't believe he has dropped yet because I think baby is going to kick a hole through my ribs- I am pretty sure I am bruised in that one spot that he kicks frequently. Ouch! Feet almost fell off while shopping- glad that didn't happen-how embarrassing that would have been.

35 Weeks

How far along: Month 7- the end of month 7 that is;)

Total weight gain: 34 pounds

Maternity clothes? Heck yes

Stretch marks? None that the eye can see- wait- maybe some on the left side- that's where he hangs out most of the time, or should I say stretches out a lot, and I see something there that could be....

Sleep: You know, I am actually doing pretty good- I don't even put a pillow between my knees anymore. I just wake up 2x a night to pee.

Best moment this week: My friend Chelsie just got back from her mission (Yay!) and I felt baby moving so I told her to feel him and she put her hand on my tummy and felt him move- not kick- just kind of shift around and she jerked back her hand like a snake had just bit her and said, "That was creepy". That made me laugh cause I guess it is really strange that you feel just this mass moving around- not kicking-just kind slithering around in there.

Miss Anything? You mean like my shoulder pain? I actually have been feeling awesome with the shoulder!!! *knock on wood*- I feel like the other aches and stuff are nothing compared.

Movement: .All over all the time

Food cravings: Fruity stuff- especially sugary fruity stuff.

Symptoms: Swollen fingers- I feel like I can't grip as well- so weird. My lower back has begun to bother me while sleeping but after I get up and about I feel good.

Belly Button in or out? Out!

Wedding rings on or off? Off- have you seen my sausage fingers lately? ha ha. Really they are huge.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, except that I have to admit it is hard to be happy when you are in pain- I really, really appreciate people who have some kind of chronic pain who are still able to go out and about and serve people with a smile. Amazed in fact- I want to be better!!! 

Looking forward to: Trying some more veggie juices!!!

Journal:

April 20-I might get a series of massages to see if that helps- it really did help for a couple days but now the constant burning, achy and sometimes stabbing pain is back. Yucky.

April 21- I feel huge. And I just talked to my mother-in-law who says I will get bigger. I just really can't imagine carrying more than now. Maybe baby will come early-like in a couple weeks? If he's ready- I'm ready.

April 22- Chelsie's homecoming talk today! I am so glad to see her and hear her speak- she is amazing. 

April 23- My shoulder pain randomly disappeared- maybe after the massage I just needed a week to recover? I hope it is really getting better and not playing tricks on me.  

April 24- Somebody asked me if I was excited or scared to give birth. I am actually not scared anymore. I am nervous for sure- but I am so dang excited I can't even stand it. The thing I am scared about is after the baby is here- how I'm going to act with no sleep, how my relationship with Jay might change and how our entire lives will change. I am not sure if I feel ready for all of that. I am ready to hold my baby but all that responsibility? 

April 25-I feel really connected to my baby sometimes- sometimes I really just know he is this little person and I'm going to love him and that he loves me and that everything is so worth it and he's going to make me a better person. 
Ugh and the shoulder blade pain is back for sure- I am now starting to wonder if the physical therapist was right in saying it was some kind of internal issue maybe linked to the gallbladder. Yuck- I hope not but there is really no way to know until after the baby is born anyway so for now I just got to eat healthy and drink lots of water which is what I should be doing anyway.

34 Weeks

Month: 7.5

Weight Gain: 33 pounds


Stats: Baby is the size of a cantaloupe today! 4.75 pounds and 18 inches long!
Symptoms: Tingly fingers- I wake up at night with my hand numb-the one I put under my pillow. Um, feet are starting to ache a bit. I timed how many times I pee and it is almost once every hour! Can you believe that- I have to always know where a toilet is no matter where I go. I wake up 2x a night just to pee.

Journal Highlights:
April 12th- Wow, I am actually coming a little bit more to grips that this baby is coming. Like it's going to happen. Whoa. I am really excited. And did it just happen over night that all of a sudden I am huge? Really I feel like all of a sudden there my belly goes. Baby is for sure bigger. 

April 13th- My cousin said that I probably wasn't going to have a 9 pound baby (she just delivered 9 pounder adorable Grove)- which I hope she's right because I want my baby to be healthy but I'm not sure that I want that big of a baby to come out of me- at least the first time. I hope she is right.

April 15th- I am running out of sunday outfits- I stole some of my sister's stretchy dresses that should get me by for a little bit.

April 16th-Had a dream last night that I gave birth. What a cool thing. The labor was perfect and fast and I wasn't scared- I was excited and I finally held my baby and he was perfect. This dream actually really made me excited for the big day. I am excited to write more about the classes I took after the baby is born so I can tell you really how it helped or what it helps me with.

April 18th- Have I complained about the marble and guitar strings in my mid-back? Yah- I don't have all the lower back pain that everyone complains about but I have this crazy pain on the right side kind of along my scapula. Actually my dad was complimenting me on how I don't complain about pregnancy stuff. Well, not anymore I am going to tell you it has been the worst chronic pain I have ever experienced. If it only lasted a week or a month maybe I wouldn't but it's gone on longer than that and it seems to be getting worse. Well, I got a prenatal massage today. Why have I been waiting this long to feel so relaxed and happy and pain-free? Oh yah, cause it costs a pretty penny but Jay I love you forever for encouraging me to go. What a great husband I have that will work so hard and pay for this wonderful heavenly treatment I got today. I feel so good.

33 Weeks

Looks like I never got around to taking my picture but here I am 33 weeks and a few days with my friend Rika who I believe is 36 weeks here! We are going to have our babies only a few weeks apart! So fun to see her.

Month: 7

Weight Gain: 31 pounds

Journal Highlights:

April 7th:

I got to see my friend Rika today! She is due 3 weeks before me and having a girl! It was so cute to see her and her bump!

April 8th:

Officially believe the baby has dropped. It feels different and I gots to pee almost every half hour- is that normal? I'm going to have to do some googling....

April 9th:

I was bumped over by a car today (refer to April 9th post). The road was clear and Jay and I were crossing the crosswalk when a lady turning left onto the road didn't see us and began accelerating. She noticed me at the last second and bumped into my outstretched arms. I was knocked to the ground which only caused an achy hip and a scratch on my knee. We went to the hospital to make sure you were okay and the nurse was very happy with your heartbeat and movement! Everyone is a-ok. So grateful today.

April 10th:

I got a diaper disposal garbage can thingy for free! Also, my visiting teaching companion is moving to Cali and brought over a little bathtub and carseat! Thanks Kira!!!! Sheesh people are nice.

April 11th:

Jay got a new job today officially! So he is totally going to be able to spend a lot of time with us when you are born! He is so stoked to rock you and hold you and spend evenings home with us.

Stories for Baby- The Crosswalk

I would just like to say before you read that everyone is totally okay. I'm good, the baby's good and Jay is good.

Okay, now for the story:

Jay and I were going for our usual walk now that the weather is nice and happened upon a crosswalk on Canyon Road. Today there was a higher volume of traffic so we sat there and waited for cars to either clear or stop-neither of which happened for at least 3 minutes. We waited until it was perfectly clear on both sides to start crossing, and just as we started across, another car had pulled up to the stop sign turning left onto Canyon Road.

I didn't think she wouldn't see me- most people these days see me because I'm huge! Plus, Jay was there too- there was two people, one a little rounder so of course she saw us! I would have reacted faster- I would made some sort of escape plan if only I knew.

The only thought that crossed my mind as she pulled out onto the road was, "She's getting a head start so that she is on the road in case cars do start coming soon."

She began speeding up though as she pulled out- Jay later told me he thought it was someone playing a joke on us- you know "pretend" run you over stuff because they knew us or something.

When I realized she didn't see us and she was speeding up instead of slowing down I knew it was too late to really do anything. I just couldn't believe she didn't see me. I was looking right at her face as the car closed in. I could see the front bumper coming up on me- I don't know when that image will ever get out of my mind- the car coming at me- the woman who couldn't see me- the tires turning faster.

I braced myself- still not comprehending how she couldn't see me right there. I stretched my arms out so the car wouldn't hit my legs and I think it was that instant that she saw me. She pushed on the breaks as the car hit my outstretched arms. I was pushed to the asphalt and fell on my side.

My first thought was my baby-Jay ran to my side and we quickly went off to the side of the road. That was a scene because by then there were a bunch of cars showing up and everyone was stopping and asking if I was alright- Yes, I'm fine! What about my baby?!!! I have a scratch! Then I started bawling hysterically I think because I saw what could have happened if the lady hadn't pushed on her breaks when she did. And all I could think about was my baby- I couldn't think because that's all I cared about.

We did end up reporting the incident- maybe it will help make the crosswalk safer? I actually don't know what to do in a situation like that- I've never thought about it. But since we were reporting it, the old lady that hit me kept asking us things like, "What is the purpose of this? Are you going to try to sue me?" I felt bad for her- sad that that was her first thought- that she was more concerned about us trying to get money from her than she was showing her concern for me and my baby. Honestly I am sure she is a good person and cares about our lives but the way she reacted made me realize what a crazy world we live in where people really do try to take advantage of a situation. All I really care about is that my baby is okay and that she learned to be more careful and if her license does need to be taken away, that she understands it is to keep others safe. I know that must be such a hard thing to give up- being independent. But it's that or someone's life.

I don't really want to dwell on it or think about what could have happened because right now I am so grateful. Grateful I can still feel the little guy kickin' and that there are no broken bones or anything. Grateful that the little old lady doesn't have to live with anything other than worrying if we are possibly going to sue her.

We ended up calling the midwives who told us to go to the hospital and be monitored for a little while just to be sure. They asked me a bunch of questions, all of which were easily answered that nothing seemed to be wrong- just a sore hip and some scratches. The baby's heartbeat was jagged, which they said was perfect-exactly what they like to see and he was moving around like crazy.

When something like this happens to you it really does make you sit and think about how precious life is. It could be gone in an instant. What really matters in life and did you do everything you could? Are you living life to the fullest? Do I really show how grateful I am to my family and friends? Do I really try to serve others and make their lives better or am I just living for me? Also, it has made me reflect on what kind of driver I am and how you really should be so careful. I know I have been distracted before by turning a station on the radio or the phone- yah you only look down for two seconds- but two seconds could be someone's life.

Someone was there watching out for us- maybe we needed this experience to really understand that you can't control everything in your life- that life is precious and to be grateful everyday and to make the most out of everyday. I really hope I can do that because I have such a great life and an awesome family who I love dearly and great neighbors and friends. I am so thankful for all of you in my life, even on this little blog- reading your stories and sharing feelings on whatever- I love it and am thankful!

Jay's idea is what a great story the little guy is going to have to tell about before he was born! He's going to be in his kindergarten class and say, "My mom was hit by a car before I was born!" and all the kids will look at him in awe. It sounds a little more epic than it was.

P.S. Actually I have a pretty good one when I was in my mama's belly:

I was chased by a moose! I should get the details on this again because that's all I really know- that my mom was chased and she hid behind a tree or something and everyone was fine afterwards.