Mix Up- Week 13

Week 13. Yes, not 20.
March 11th.
Not January 12th! Ha ha.

We were planning on telling at 12 weeks!
Ha!
So then we told our families that we were 20 weeks.
Funny joke.

Well, I've been a little mixed up with the moving....?
I based everything off of what I read on the camera because if I did write things down I have no idea where they went in the move. So I took the postive pregnancy test and my camera conveniently records the date so perfect- I'll just subtract a month and few days off of that because I know I took the test once I knew I had missed my period. I'm a genius.

So the date on the picture said this:
05/07/13

So I told the doctor and our family and took a picture because I thought "I better hurry and take a baby bump picture if I'm already 1/2 way!"

Then we had the ultrasound this last week and the baby measured 14 weeks. Wha-wha-what?

"Is there a way you could be off on your dates?" My doctor asks quizzically.

"No way" I respond because I know I can count on the good ol' camera.

But I've done a little digging and guess what I found?
Yes, the dates on the picture say 05/07/13 but when you scroll out to the calendar it switches the two first numbers to read 07/05/13.

Huh.
Why oh why would they list the day first on the picture when everyone knows you read dates MONTH, day, year? Come on.

So now that's all straightened out.

Oh and everything makes sense now- not finding the heart beat right away, feeling nauseous still, not feeling a lot of movements.

We did get to hear the heartbeat though I must say it was the wost 5 minutes of my life waiting-
It took her a little bit to find it and she was quizzical as well ( I told her the wrong dates) why it was taking so long to find it.
Seriously, she started asking questions if I was sure I was pregnant and maybe I didn't have my period because Grant was still breastfeeding but then, oh yah, you had a positive pregnancy test....mmmm...
I cried like a baby when she found that tiny fast beating heart tone.

So it explains why it was more difficult.
You know the only thing that was making sense was my belly sticking out?
Yah so apparently I started showing way sooner than the first pregnancy. Which is probably why I really thought I was 1/2 way.

I am so happy to be a mom again! Grant will have a sibling and friend and we'll have a new special spirit to join our family. We are so blessed. I am so thankful.
Can't wait to kiss those little tiny baby toes.

The Secret

Grant, I have something to tell you.... 

I think you'll like it...

You're going to be EXCITED!!!

You know it!!!

A new friend!!!!

You are going to be a big BROTHER!!!!

We couldn't be more excited. I was jumping up and down and clapping and acting like a maniac- Grant caught on to the excitement and laughed with me in pure joy!!!

The "Voodoo" Doctor

That's what I've heard them called a few times- isn't that what you call your doctor Mandi? ha ha;)

Have you heard of muscle testing before?

It is soooo different, yet so neat.

I guess the basis is that your body knows what is going on and what it needs and what it is lacking and can tell you through your electrical impulses, which can be read through muscle testing.

It sounds different when you first hear about it- almost like magic or something but the more I've learned about it, the more I see how much it makes sense. Your body does know what it needs and it's so neat that there are those with this knowledge to help you read your body's signals.

So I found an alternative medicine clinic in our new city and called and asked if they could help me with a problem I have had for over a year.
I have had major scalp problems people. This isn't the occasional dandruff that  is embarrassing that you just "deal" with. I was having major self-esteem issues and didn't go to church a few times because it was that bad.

So you know I love trying all natural remedies and I'm excited learning about plants that are put here on this planet, made by our creator, meant to help us with illnesses and pain! Did you know that asprin comes from the willow tree? It's the exact molecular make-up except that it is man-made so it could be patented and someone could make some mula from it- you can't patent nature. Look into DoTerra Essential oils (the highest grade) and once you start learning about the amazing properties of these plants you will be aMAZED.

Anyway, so I've tried dealing with my scalp issues naturally:
changing shampoos to ones without the harsh ingredients,
not using shampoo at all- using baking soda and vinegar to wash my hair,
trying melaleuca oil on my scalp,
rubbing coconut oil on my scalp,

Each of these little remedies I tried for  a few weeks to a month or months, knowing that it might take time for them to start working. Nothing has worked.

Nothing has been more discouraging for a new mom, a woman who wishes to be beautiful, and a human being who wants people to see them and not just a condition that they have, to have a day where she wants to get ready and look beautiful and it's practically impossible because I'm sorry, you just don't look beautiful with specs of your scalp littering your curls. I tried to be positive and say things to myself like, "At least I have hair- isn't that wonderful?" and I knew it could be worse but it was seriously limiting my enjoyment of my life. And it seemed there was nothing I could do, especially not having the funds it felt to take care of myself. That is discouraging too.

Now, I would like to re-emphasize that I really am grateful that we have had this time to go through this as our little family. It's so so hard but I feel like it has given me a greater understanding and compassion and empathy for others. I don't know how I would have gotten this new and wonderful perspective any other way than through going through this and having to be uncomfortable and feel this way

So it's been a year that I've lived with this recurring problem- it wasn't always so bad but it was starting to really get to my spirits- so going to this doctor has been the best thing ever.

Anyway they hook you up to a machine called a meridian stress tester and the computer reads your electric signals and they are able to see what in your body is calling for help.

Apparently it was not only my scalp- although that was the most obvious. I also had weak lungs and a weak heart (they go hand in hand) and the tester asked me if I have been short of breath. I almost cried.
Yes. Yes I have been short of breath and whenever I take a deep breath it's almost painful. I figured I was just out of shape and just needed to practice yoga breathing or something.

So the diagnosis was:
1. mold exposure that my body couldn't get rid of
2. pesticide allergy- breathing it in

I recall cleaning black mold before these problems started in the Bungalow and I just discovered that the basement room we stayed in for months was unknowingly growing black mold and is currently being gutted out and cleaned up. I have no idea where I'm breathing pesticides- she said it was probably a recent exposure since my body is responding really well to treatment.

So they give you these homeopathic drops that help your body recognize what it needs to get rid of and I've been on a special diet- no yeast or sugar (yikes- I thought that would be easy until I realized my whole diet consisted of toast and fruit).

So far I've been on it for about a week and a half and my body seems to be responding! The scalp problem is lessened and I feel beautiful again. I even bought a cute shirt and put on make up and did my hair the other day! Can I just say it feels good to be getting better!

Oh and yesterday I could breath deeply and it felt....normal. I wasn't straining for breath. I am so grateful this place exists and that I was able to go!!!

Oh and guess what?!

Jay got a job! So we can afford my treatments;) I know Heavenly Father is looking out for us and answered our prayers- I might have to do a little post about that.

Mocking Laughs

Grant has this thing he does now.
He mocks.

We were shopping last week and this couple is talking hurriedly and you can see the steam coming out of their ears as they try to stay calm- whatever they were talking about was obviously very upsetting.
As they get closer, one of them laughs- a very fake exaggerated laugh- a mean laugh you could say.

Grant looks right at them as they are passing and copies exactly that laugh:
Loud and fake.
And he keeps laughing.

The couple stops in their tracks, right in front of Grant, astonished and stares blankly at him for a few seconds, then they burst out laughing too.

Everyone is laughing.

I think it might have helped the couple lighten up a bit;) Good one, G.



So he does this a lot. If he hears anyone laughing, he immediately does his loud, fake laugh.

It's fun having this kid around.

Oh Blessed Dishwasher

Have you heard the analogy of broken windows?

If you walk into a neighborhood and there is a broken window, everyone who passes that broken window is affected by it. It creates a mood and a feeling looking at something that is broken. Pretty soon, someone who was affected by the window now throws some trash on the street. The next person sees the trash and broken window and draws some graffiti on the wall. It goes on and on and keeps adding on and on.
The speaker on the radio whom was explaining this analogy to me then stated that we all have our broken windows that affect the rest of the day or how we feel about other things in our life.

"What is your broken window?" He urged us to make an effort to think about what it could be. He gave some examples: "Maybe it's the laundry, maybe it's the toys on the floor, or hastily running around without a plan for the day."

It didn't take me long to figure out what my "broken window" was.
Is.

The dishes.

We did not have a dishwasher in our basement apartment and sometimes I was able to keep up but guess what would happen?
The dirty dishes would sit there on the counter top in piles until I cleaned them. So I thought I would come up with a way not to stare at them. So I got some containers to put them in until I could wash them and put those under the sink. That worked for a day or so but then all of a sudden if I missed a day of dishes, the sink was full underneath and there were those dirty piles again!
It was the most frustrating thing and really was my broken window. I would look at those and it created a mood of chaos and having so much to do (even though mentally I knew it would only take 20-30 minutes to clean them). It still created this feeling inside me.

When we were looking for a place I just knew we had to have a dishwasher. We just had to. Well, we found a great, affordable, backyard included, nice apartment....but you got it: no dishwasher. I have been so determined somehow to make doing the dishes something that uplifts me: a few ideas included memorizing hymns, watching educational youtube videos, listening to music, having Grant help me with them (he loves standing on a chair and "helping").

Well, if I were to show you right now the piles of dirty dishes by my sink, you would be shocked. Seriously, I want to have a clean house, I really do- it's just those dishes eat at my soul. You don't have this same problem? Well, figure out what your "broken window" is and then imagine how you feel and are affected by it. Now you know what the dishes do to me. It is the most draining, awful thing I can ever imagine. And they never end. That's probably the worst part.

So, I told Jay we had to get a dishwasher. There are portable ones out there and we can look and see if any are in our price range. Uh, yah right! All of the ones we could see were so expensive and when you imagine a college kid, you know they are poor right? Well, we are a college family. Um, that pretty much means no funds for unnecessary purchases, even if it means fixing a broken window.

I just had to call and see if maybe we could get a cheaper one, even if it was far away. I called a few people who had sold their dishwashers and then I saw this ad for Provo. It said, "We don't care about the money, we just don't have room for it and don't need it."

I called and the young man explained that it was just him and his wife and they just never have enough dishes to fill it up. He said it worked and then he just randomly said, "You can just have it. If someone can come and get it, we'll just give it to you." I didn't barter, I didn't ask for a lower price- HE just said to take it.
Can you say "Tender mercies?"


My jaw dropped and I tried to stay calm but I was so happy. I don't think he will ever have any idea that he fixed my broken window and now I might be calmer and happier not having to look at a bunch of dirty dishes.

My kind brother and sister went and picked it up for me and it is sitting in my parent's garage right now. I cannot wait to get it up here! I have no idea how it's going to get up here, but it will make it. I'm sure somehow, it will find it's way.

In the meantime I feel a glimmer of hope that maybe I can keep up with the dishes and banish that feeling that I just can't keep up. I hope it fits in our kitchen. I hope it works. I hope it really does help my window. If not, at least it was free!!!! I'm ecstatic to try it out.

So now, I'm curious if everyone really does have that "broken window" in their life. That thing that brings negative feelings with it to you, even though it may seem like others aren't bothered by it. What is your "broken window" and how have you fixed it? Or what are you trying to do to fix it?

7 Peaks

I just realized it's a lot more of a challenge to take pictures if you are somewhere fun doing lots of activities. So I don't think I even have any pictures from yesterday.

I did bring my waterproof video camera though- but my computer doesn't let me load them onto youtube. In fact youtube hasn't been working for months on here so ...?

All I know is Grant has never had as much fun in his entire life.
We had a BLAST.

Lazy river, water playground. The dinosaurs! G does a really good growl noise for them.

Oh and best part?
The tidal wave pool.
With every wave pushing against him, he made a happy "AHH!" noise.

Oh wait, best, best part?
Trying to eat some random lady's toes.
Yes. That is a game we play at home and there were some toes just sitting there out of the water at the edge of the tidal wave pool and apparently Grant thought they looked delicious. So he started eating them.
We couldn't stop laughing.
We ended the night with my family meeting us at Zupas in SLC and had a delicious dinner.
What a fun, wonderful, summer day.


I'll post the vids when I figure out my computer:)

Co-Sleeping: Then vs. Now Beliefs

When we first began co-sleeping with our baby we were new and exhausted parents.

We said we'd give it a try and discuss how it was working for us as a family every so-often and re-adjust as we need.

It ended up being the biggest surprise that we were getting significantly more sleep.

The sleep training book we had read said you can "train" your baby to not want to eat in the middle of the night by just rocking the baby back to sleep and not nursing. The goal being sleep. Everyone needs sleep.

Every new mom is exhausted and all you want is to sleep, you start grasping at anything and everything to try. That's what I did anyway.

And back then I started reading all this stuff on how good it was for the baby to sleep near his mama- giving him comfort and security all through the night.

I read about different types of parenting and this co-sleeping fell perfectly into attachment parenting which is what we had followed not knowing that's what it was called.

I started seeing my baby so happy and we were happy because we got sleep.

I was able to continue breastfeeding when I knew others had struggled to keep their milk supply up. I think night-feeding really just kept the message to my body that I needed to continue making milk. I'm sure there are many things that are factored into this but that's just a benefit that could have been from night-feeding.

I watched as my baby became more independent- seriously just running off- could care less if I'm there. I was shocked the first time that happened at church and someone said, "It's when they feel safe that they do that". So I watch as he feels safe and secure.

I'm not going to lie- I thought I had it all figured out.
Why doesn't everyone do this?
Why does our culture make it seem so wrong to have your baby in your bed?
Why is it hard to believe that it could actually make your relationship with your spouse better? I mean you're getting sleep!
Why are the statistics skewed to make it seem "dangerous". That's what had scared me at first- that I would roll on my baby. I am very confident to say I am very aware of him. And really the co-sleeping death statistics that happen are if you are drugged or overweight or doing it improperly (ie. a couch or arm chair).

So here I was thinking really I did have it all figured out. This was heaven. And when I would tell people this way of sleeping together, they would tell me things to discourage this seemingly perfect solution to sleep and breast-feeding. It felt so normal and natural and it was working. We had to make adjustments, sure- don't you anyway when you have a child? But I was just so surprised that this wonderful natural way could be seen so drastically different by others.
I think I started thinking: I know the way. It's this way of sleeping- I mean look how happy my baby is.

Then, life happens.
And all of a sudden I am humbled so so so humbled.
G got sick and then I got sick then G fell and hurt his leg then we moved.
And while I didn't change the night-time sleeping together as a family situation- a lot of other things changed with the way I "managed" things. I was doing things that I never thought I would do: buying fast, pre-packaged foods, watching TV and movies all day long and not getting things done. I felt like a big fat failure. I knew better yet I just couldn't do it.  And my milk started declining probably with all the stress and it felt like the end of the world.

All of a sudden I really could see clearly.
I could see myself in all the other moms out there who didn't maybe do things the way I had "figured out" was the "best" way.
We as mothers want the best for our children and give it all to them.
We give everything we have and even if we know our child shouldn't watch TV all day, there literally is no other option when we don't have anything else left inside.
We will do anything for them. Anything that we know how to do and can do and that works for our family.

I can see now that co-sleeping wouldn't work for every family and situation. We all live such different lives in different worlds really. And I met a friend who wanted so badly to breast-feed but her baby just couldn't handle it. It hurt the baby. She went off of everything that she loved and regularly ate and still the baby suffered. For three months they watched as the baby screamed and screamed. So finally she switched to formula and guess what? Her baby calmed down and didn't have the stomach issues that she had before.

I never went through that. Yes, G had colic but I learned quick that chocolate upset him and I just had to be careful what I was eating. It was difficult to learn the latch and all but hearing her story just made me wonder if I would have even tried sticking it out as long as she did. Just like I'm sure there are a ton of other things that I am not facing or going through in my life that others are in their family situations.

So while I am proud and will always praise co-sleeping for my family because it has been the greatest blessing and biggest comfort for us, I know that it will not always be for everyone.

Everyone does the best they can in the circumstances they have and just because I believe children feel more secure co-sleeping doesn't mean that another family isn't better at making their children feel more secure in other ways that I might be lacking in. All in all whatever I believe I am grateful to have my beliefs now and not be afraid that it's different. I'm grateful that I get a chance to be a mom and try things the way I feel will be good for my children while someone else gets the same opportunity to grow and love a little person more than herself.

And I see other families with happy children that do not co-sleep. They are loved and cherished and I see that.

I know mothers love their children and when it comes down to it that's what matters. So I might make mistakes and maybe I'm doing something where someone else would say there is a better way but if I'm doing the best I can and loving my children that's all I can do.

And the best part?
Knowing that God loves my baby too.
More than I could even imagine.
So when I don't do everything right, I know he's there to love my child and guide him too.
Somehow, in the end, if you do your best that's all that matters.

And I love this quote, sorry I forgot where I read it and I'll probably butcher it but the message is there- I always turn to it when I'm feeling like I'm failing:

"Always give your best. Some days your best will be 100%. Days when you are ill your best may only be 60%, but it's your best. Just always give your best."