Esther's Birth Story

Esther's Birth Story

Around 35 weeks I had big energy burst and felt like I was "nesting"- so that threw me off because I nested last time just a few days before meeting Grant.


All of a sudden around 37 weeks I got sick! Sore throat and congestion- making it even harder to sleep at night than just with a huge uncomfortable belly and having to pee every couple of hours at night. Ugh. I will not miss that. So when 37 weeks and 3 days came it felt like my "due date" because that's when I had Grant. I was feeling like the baby would never come, but at the same time I was happy that I didn't have to labor being sick and was hoping to feel better when that day came.

Oh and Grant started singing "Happy Birthday" and I thought for sure he was in tune with something and knew it- but then no baby. The next day, same story. "Happy Birthday to you!" he sang loud and clear. And the next day and the next day.

Then I started feeling like I was just waiting and waiting- every Braxton hicks contraction I would glance at my watch "just in case" this was the real thing, I wanted to know how long my labor would last. I wanted to time it- but every time it just would stop or be sporadic throughout the entire day- on and off kind of thing.

Sunday Feb. 23rd:
I talked to my father-in-law, still not feeling the best (sore throat still) but I said that I wanted to take Grant to the zoo for the last free day they were going to have this season- the weather was beautiful and I wanted to look forward to something instead of just waiting because it was torture. So he said both him and Jay's mom would try and meet us for our zoo day and that really helped my mentality change to be able to do things.

Monday Feb. 24th:
Contractions on and off again all day. I just didn't feel like doing much and we ended up running some errands with Grant in the evening and decided we better go out to eat somewhere. I was having contractions every 15 to 20 minutes pretty consistantly so we called Jay's mom to be ready to come out in case we have the baby that night.

Around 6pm, we decided going to The Crepery and I got the most amazing crepe ever- it was chicken and bacon and avacados with a dill cream cheese filling and yum! I gobbled it up like I'd never eaten before and had to have another one. So Jay goes up and tells the guy that we think we are having a baby that night and I need energy so he's buying another one. I was thinking that it really was going to start and was super excited but I kept just telling myself that this has been happening all the time lately and could totally not be it so "STOP IT!!!" Then we went to the library and stocked up on movies for Grant in case whoever was here watching him would have something to soothe him with if nothing was working. (Awesome idea!!!)

8pm we get home and start getting ready for bed and I feel like the contractions are just staying around and getting more frequent- I am starting to really believe I might meet my baby.

9pm I am nursing Grant and I was getting down on the bed and was halfway down and a contraction hit! OW! This one meant business and I was not in a comfortable position and Grant was launching his body towards my breast to latch on for his little nightly soothing snack. After it passed (it was only like 15 or 20 seconds) I laid down and nursed him for a little bit but I was not comfortable at all when a contraction would hit so I had to leave- I let Jay sing to Grant and try and put him to sleep without me- I think Grant was very confused but it's happened before when I've felt overwhelmed and I knew he would be fine.

10pm I filled up the tub and blew up a garbage bag to lean on in the tub. Ahhhh. So relaxing. It felt amazing and the contractions were easy to handle in the tub. I was listening to my hypnobabies cds on the i-pod but I was still hesitant to listen to the "birthing day affirmations" because I just still wasn't 100% positive but pretty sure so I listened to the other affirmations and it was calming. But then I got bored so I wanted to get out and see if I could try other positions to labor in the living room. Right when I got out another one hit and I caught my breath and started to get nervous. Jay was asleep (Grant wears him out when he has to put him to bed). So I called my "doula" and told her I was scared but after a contraction would pass she would talk to me and I was fine- she said give it a couple more hours. Okay, I thought- I need to go back in the tub.

11pm I just chilled in the tub and started listening to other affirmations about a positive birth experience but I could feel myself feeling a little nervous about having to go to the hospital so I got out again and debated calling Sushila to come over to be here in case Grant woke up. But I didn't want to wake her up if I wasn't going to leave for another hour or so. So I got my "labor-aid" drink (awesome recipe with coconut water and magnesium and lemon and honey to give me some energy- I had just happened to make some that morning because I thought it could be the day).

I went into wake Jay and told him he should come and help me and he looked at me blankly and I left not knowing if he would come or not....he looked pretty out of it but I thought for sure it would click that I was in labor and wanted him to come be with me.

Back in the tub till 2 pm and by that time I was really just getting bored in there and the contractions were stronger and a little longer- I wasn't really timing them but it felt very frequent. I was still getting a complete break in between each one though- which was awesome- I didn't experience that with my first labor- it was pretty much no real break. So that was cool to feel like totally fine in between them.

11:45 pm rolls around and I now have made up my mind that I want to go to the hospital and I was really not wanting to do a natural birth at this point. I think this is when I decided I was getting an epidural. I just was scared and couldn't calm down, even though physically it was hard but I really was getting breaks. Anyway so I go into Jay and tell him we are going to the hospital. He hops up really quick saying, "What?!" He comes out and starts running around. I tell him I am going to call Sushila and Brenda. It keeps ringing and ringing for Sushila and I'm freaking out even more because who are we going to call to watch Grant if she doesn't come?!!! I keep trying and trying and tell Jay to get her husband's cell phone number. I give him the phone and he gets a hold of him and they come over. I call Brenda and tell her I am going to the hospital and we'll meet her there.

I am in a lot of anxiety at this point- maybe from the last minute getting everything in order and freaking out that I'm not going to get a hold of Sushila. Ah!

So we take off for the hospital and I'm doing awesome. I have more a plan this time- wait for a contraction then get out of the car and head inside. I lean on the wall when a contraction hits and I try and breath. It's so hard. I feel like I can't relax or get enough air. I have no desire to listen to HypnoBabies- I just want to get in there and feel better. But Jay remembers me asking him to squeeze my hips and see if that helps during contractions and he does as we are in the elevator and instantly it takes the edge off completely and I feel like I'm able to breath and handle it. Wow, I thought! Amazing relief! It's still hard but it makes it bearable. Totally. Cool. Then we check in- and we hadn't preregistered bah humbug. So I go through a few contractions while Jay answers questions and squeezes my hips (ahhhh...so amazingly comforting). We get through and head towards the room to monitor the baby and check where I'm at. I'm really hoping this is active labor. They are regular but really not that long (still less than a minute) so I was concerned if I still had a ways to go. We get in the room after a few more squeezing the hips through a couple more contractions.

Once I'm on the bed I hate it instantly. It's not fun anymore and I'm so uncomfortable. I'm at a 6 though! Yay! Active labor-same time I came in with Grant's labor. They have to monitor for 20 minutes, I don't think I'm going to make it, I really start freaking out and not caring about relaxing- it' just hard. Then my doula, Brenda, shows up and helps me breath and she tells me I'm doing great. The nurses ask if I am doing natural and I hesitate because in my head I'm thinking "HECK NO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? Who is dumb enough to want that? Why do I always think I want it and then when I'm here, it's clear there is no way in heck I am going to do that." I hesitate in my response because I don't want Jay to feel like he's failed me or I don't want Brenda to think she's doing a bad job helping me calm down- I just feel like I'm going to disappoint a lot of people and I might be disappointed in myself and I really just want to hold my baby. I tell them this. "I want to just hold my baby and I don't want to do this anymore. I just want my baby". Instantly Jay gets that face on that he's not doing enough and I can tell Brenda puts on her "game face" that is determined to "help" me. But it's no use, I already know my mind is made up and was a long time ago in fact. Then I was surprised because all the nurses in the room started telling me that I could do it and that they could break my water and speed things up.

You know, if I hadn't already made up my mind, I think all of this really would have been helpful and I really appreciated it. I just told them though that I was pretty sure what I wanted and that was to just hold the baby and I wasn't calming down and I just wanted the epidural. Honestly, I can see why they were all so encouraging- honestly I do look like I'm holding it together but I was getting to the point where I just didn't want to do it. I had no desire. I wish I did but I just didn't. The desire was gone- it was so hard for me to feel safe and feeling pain isn't fun. I just wanted to hold my sweet baby! I was ready for that. They kept persisting and "encouraging" me but I just didn't want it and I was almost annoyed at everyone for trying to help me because I just knew what I wanted. I wanted the epidural and I couldn't imagine feeling normal getting up out of bed and walking around- now I wish I just would have at least tried it. I could have at any time gotten back up and asked again- but guess what I was afraid of? Getting up and realizing I didn't like it and wanting the epidural and by that time not being able to get it because I would be too far along. I told everyone thank you for encouraging me and that it wasn't like anyone was doing anything wrong (Jay especially felt like this) so I really tried to assure them that it just was something I wanted to do at the moment. I felt okay making this decision. So I told everyone it was my final decision.

They hooked me up to the IV for fluid.

At a last attempt to help me do a natural birth, the nurse said she would check me and maybe I would be close. Okay, fine I said. She said, "Maybe you will be too far along and couldn't even get an epidural."
"What? In a half hour?" "Sure, people can go from a 6 to an 8 in that short of time" she told me.

"She's a 6- the same"

Then everyone let me off the hook and started to get the anesthesiologist. Then I really wasn't into the breathing thing and the contractions really hurt.

Williams came and had me lay on my left side and Jay always has to say how much he hates it- I can't see it and I just want it over. I want to feel comfortable and I just want my BABY!

As he's putting in the junk, I feel hot, hot in my legs and I tell him that and I'm like great something is going wrong! He tells me he probably brushed a nerve to my  leg and that's what that was. Then it was gone. Phew.

The epidural is in. I start feeling better.  A couple more contractions pass and I'm so impatient! Holy cow! Seriously, I can't believe how impatient I am to feel comfortable but it's like I had made up my mind such a long time ago and everyone was trying to help and I didn't want to make them feel bad and they were pretty good about stalling me- too bad my body decided to stay the same for that half hour or who knows? But I was happy when I could feel a contraction but it took the edge off.

The nurse told me she wanted to check to see how far I was and she acted like I was dumb because she left her fingers up there and was waiting for another contraction and then she's like, "Oh, there goes your water" She totally broke it! She really thinks I was going to believe that just happened when her hand was there? Wow- oh well, I didn't care now that I had the epi.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to push. I couldn't stop it. They told me not to push but my body was doing it without me- I had no choice- it just did it. So they ran and got my doctor.

Doctor was there and we were ready to go. Pushing was fun! I could feel it! I just kept thinking, "Wow, this is so different than with Grant- I can feel it, but it isn't painful- I am comfortable."

I could feel the baby coming out! I could feel the baby crowning, I could feel when the baby's head was half way out with the last push of a contraction and the doctor asked if I could give another push and I did- and I felt the baby's head out. I still have to push more? Then the body and I felt this wave of emotion. They told me it was a little girl. Of course she is. My baby.

Immediately they gave her to me and I held her. She might have given one cry on the way to me, but once I was holding her she was just looking around and so content. She looked so peaceful and aware. She looked at me and I felt amazing. I can't ever describe it. I was filled with pure love and joy. So amazing. I just kept saying that. So amazing.

I know- crazy hair lady! But I did just give birth- I honestly don't know how people have perfect hair and makeup and do this thing. This is real life people. She went to the breast right away- hence the cropped photo- but this face is pure joy. I was soooo happy.

I never imagined a medical birth feeling so great- a thousand times more connected with the experience than with Grant's birth. And she was so aware and I got her right away. Then everyone left us alone. Me and Jay seeing our sweet baby Esther. Then she slept and I was just on this high- I felt so good. And I was getting to hold her. They gave us an hour before they weighed and measured her.

Her right ear is bent (from the birth canal? from inside the womb? I don't know but it's adorable).

That ear. We kept saying she looks just like Grant- I felt like I was having dejavu and holding baby Grant- it was so weird.

I had brought G's photo book- told ya! Twins! Of course not the same exact position but you can see the similarities right?

She has a lot of hair! So fun!

So in love.

Daddy's little girl.

On our way home from the hospital! 

Again, I didn't need pain medicine afterwards- I seriously felt so great and was soooooo ready to head home after a day in the hospital- I missed Grant and that bed gets sooooo uncomfortable.

So happy to be home with my babies.