"Breast is Best"

Starting at 7 pounds, my baby looked great!
When we left the hospital, he was down to 6 pounds, 5 ounces- I was nervous to say the least.

I knew before giving birth that I wanted to breastfeed. I just know that it is so good for the baby- it has everything they need in the milk and  the milk changes as the baby grows to accommodate them. Also, formula is so expensive and seemed like such a hassle to always have to mix stuff and bottle it up and wash the bottles- i just knew breastfeeding would be a piece of cake.

And it was, at least I wasn't bleeding and cracking like I've heard of so many horror stories so I believed I was golden.

Latching
So when we starting latching, baby was always tucking his lower lip under and it seemed impossible to see under there to see if when I pulled on his little chin that his lip would flare out- impossible!

Milk
But you want to know the hardest part? The hardest part is when he is frantically looking for food and not latching properly- getting on and getting off- and making the milk flow, or maybe more accurately described as SPRAY everywhere! Holy cow- I don't know if other mom's have the flood gates just squirting all over the place but once he cries or gets near me, I have no control- milk just comes POURing out.

Ya- baby's messy? Ha! It's actually yourself and your crazy milk that causes the mess. I keep a few burp clothes nearby now to help control the situation and it's been keeping things to a minimum chaos level. I've now come to accept that I will need to change my clothes after each feeding, or just have a milky shirt the rest of the day. That is what is has come down to.

Breakdown
Had a breakdown about nursing. I talked to a lactation consultant who reassured me that it is hard and that I'm doing great and she gave me a gift and some tips on how to make sure his latch is good. I now check his latch each time by sticking my finger by his lip to make sure it is fish-like.

Air
Oh and I didn't realize that when he would suck air in that it made him so uncomfortable- it seems so obvious now that I realize this fact. Air in the babe's body=owie.  I am just barely putting together that when he sucks in air, it makes him uncomfortable so while he is trying to nurse further, he is so uncomfortable that he is moving around causing more air to get inside making him even MORE uncomfortable- it's a downward cycle from there. 


And, since he is moving around like a maniac and milk is spraying everywhere- just try to imagine having a cover on over your baby so you can be around people and trying to keep that on during one of these episodes- its near impossible to say the least.


So to break the cycle, I've started to take him off the breast every couple minutes and burping him- even more often if I hear air getting in because you can hear it. And guess what? Every time I take him off to burp- he burps! And he's getting calmer and calmer, making the latch less air-prone making it so he can nurse comfortably! It's so awesome!!!! 


It takes an extra 20 minutes but that's so worth it to have a calm, happy baby. I don't know why I didn't realize this was the problem before now! He's been so upset the past couple days and I just couldn't really comfort him. All it was was the air in his little tummy.


So the breastfeeding cycle used to be:
Feed 20 minutes, 
burp 10 minutes, 
change diaper 5-10 minutes depending on if he pees on me or has a poop explosion after the diapers off,
change clothes if pees on himself or me 10 minutes,
have 10-20 minutes to put him down and do something (like grab some food)


Hour's up!

****Repeat******


Now  the breastfeeding cycle is the same except subtract time at the end that I actually get to do something. The only reason I am actually typing right now is he is asleep! This post has seriously taken me at least 5 days to jot down some thoughts here and there until he's ready for me again. 


Thoughts on having other children at this point:
Can somebody explain how this is humanly possible with another child to care for?!!!! I don't see it happening. I really, really don't. Maybe you are better at being a mom by that time and can figure out how to make your baby eat every 2 hours without getting a bunch of air trapped in their tummy and change diapers in ultra speeding time and don't cry when your shirt is soaking with milk (I get the saying "don't cry over spilled milk now- I really do) and you accept and come to like the fact that you smell like spit up and never have time to do your hair or put makeup on anymore and have to eat like a stray dog- grabbing whatever you can get your hands on  because the baby will need you in the next 5 minutes so you don't have time to prepare a meal-I guess it's healthier eating raw anyway but I've been living on granola bars! And you do an extra load of laundry every day because spit up and poop and pee get on everything, all the time and you are exhausted because you are really just doing everything for the baby. 


How do you care for another child after you've already given up time to do everything else you normally do? There is no time left. I want more kids but how----- HOW?!!!


Hope 
Now, I do have hope for the future, that it won't always be this hard- that he will learn to latch properly and not gulp down so much air. That I will become a super duper speed of light diaper changer. That I will block the pee when he starts to let it fly into his face and ears and eyes and all over everything. That he will start going longer in between feedings so I will find more time during the day to make meals and eat and brush my hair once in a while. That I will not have to force myself to have enough energy to go take a shower at the end of the day. That my clothes will be dry and I can become a ninja pro at controlling the milk flow spraying mess. That I will be able to sleep more than 3 hours at a time during the night (actually I am really grateful he doesn't wake up every hour wanting to eat). I really do have hope that somehow things will calm down and get easier.


At the end of the day
When I am exhausted and tired (yes you can be both at the same time) and smelly and super ugly and hungry and wonder if I am doing anything right and wondering how I can do it all again the next day,.....

just then, he will give me the HUGEST sweetest smile that brightens the whole world and tells me that I am doing something right, that he does know who I am and loves and trusts me-

I know in that moment that everything is so worth it and I would give up anything to see that smile.

I love being a mom; it feels so right.