Valentine's Day- I Like You

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come”
-Gordon B. Hinckley

I love that quote from Pres. Hinckley so much! I think in today's world really everything is about the "romance" and "the spark" that really people are forgetting that marriage is more than that. It's really caring about another person and putting them first, before yourself- which I think as human creatures we have a tendency to want to put ourselves first in everything.

I was asked the other day if I really believed in marriage and I have to say that question struck me really hard because you look around and see relationships falling apart everywhere you turn. My answer was easy and without hesitation I said, "yes, I do believe in marriage".

Why is it so easy to say I believe in marriage? You think it's because I have only been married just under 2 years right? I can't say I have much experience, it's true. But I have learned more in these two years about love than I ever have in my entire life.

I think success in marriage doesn't mean that the two people have never "fallen out of love" or been bored with each other or had disagreements, maybe even had their heart broken by their spouse. I think success in love and marriage is learning to love another person, despite knowing them so well. It's growing together, having the same core values. If you both have the same core values, making goals together is easy and you can recognize when there is something that leads you away from those goals. And of course being a true friend to that person- not just loving them when they have done something right, but giving love when they have hurt you or done something wrong. It's doing things that you may not necessarily like that makes the other one happy (Jay has started gelling his hair for me! Yay!) I don't particularly like staying up late but I think it makes Jay happy to see me (and some food) when he gets home from work.

I tell Jay all the time that "I like" him. For a while I think it kind of bugged him because he would always jokingly say afterwards, "You mean you don't love me?" with a sad little puppy dog face.

The other day we heard John Bytheway speak with his wife about love in marriage and they pointed out that a lot of people fall out of like before they fall out of love. I think that is so true- because marriage is about choosing to love someone everyday- but liking them is another story. They pointed out that you really can't make someone like you but you can choose to be delightful. Jay chooses to be delightful and that's what makes him easy to like. I think now Jay gets it and appreciates it when I say, "I like you".

This Valentine's day was not "perfect": Jay had school most of the day and when he came home he had to do homework and then he had to work and I agreed to babysit for someone (since Jay was working) but it was special because I know he thought about me.

Jay woke up early and decorated the mirror in the bathroom with cut-out hearts with things he loves about me and I made him some giant nutella rice-crispie kisses. I had awoken that morning from a horrible nightmare (I can't believe how many of those I've been having lately-I guess it must be another pregnancy thing) and to see that he had taken that time out of his day to make me that and think of reasons he loved me meant so much to me I had to cry about it (of course-pregnant) and it was the sweetest thing in the whole world.

I am so grateful to have such a wonderful spouse and for the ways in which being married is teaching me to care for another person-more than myself.

I like you Jay!!!!

Okay I love ya too!