What I Know

I want to tell you something. 

I was raised in an LDS home. With a loving mother and father who taught me beautiful things. The taught be about Jesus and love and principles of the gospel. I was baptized as a member of this church when I was 8 years old. I was taught that God is my Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me. Who will answer my prayers. Who speaks to me through scripture and that I can ask and receive inspiration and answers from Him. That Jesus Christ died for me; that through His atonement I can become whole and repent of any wrong-doings. That I can have peace in my life because of Him and though Him. My whole life I have sat in sacrament meeting wanting so badly to boldly declare to the world that I KNOW this gospel is true. I watched so many people go to that pulpit and say it like they really knew. How could they know? How could they say they knew it? I mean, maybe you feel good about it, which I did, and believed it, which I did, but to say you KNOW it? Come on. I didn't think they were lying- I believed that they knew, but I also couldn't fathom actually feeling that way myself. I did bear my testimony a few times using that word "know" and I didn't know. I was hoping I would feel something and know that I know, you know? ha ha.

Well, I can't believe I'm going to use that word- "know". But I have to say it because I am SOOO excited about this!

That I existed before this life.

That I will exist after.

I know it.

That while I'm here breathing and living in this body, that there is something else to me. 

I am a spirit. I am a spirit that has a physical body. Here and now. And after this body dies, I will still exist!

It's just so cool to feel that. To know it and feel it. 

I'm so grateful to know this. It's funny to have something you believed in and "knew" actually FEEL like truth. To feel the truthfulness of this knowledge is amazing. I love it. And I love that I've been taught that my whole life and here I am actually being able to say that I KNOW it! 

Also, I now know the most life changing thing:
I know Jesus Christ is real.

He is REAL. So real.
I have always asked and wanted to know that and to be here today just knowing it is so wonderfully exhilarating because that means the atonement is real. That means I can use this power in my life to change. I've always believed other people when they have told me they know He is real but for me to feel that is life changing. I don't understand how everything works but I am beginning to see that He has suffered for me and I can give my pain to Him. That He can heal me. I can become whole. I wish everyone could feel what I feel about this in my life.


Where once I looked and followed light
blind and dark but yearning
Now I have a candle within
and know that I am learning
That Christ is REAL!
He died for me.
I feel it in my heart.
So all my soul may now be free
to be who I was meant to be.

E 7 Months

Happy 7 Months baby girl!

Favorites:
Clawing your eyeballs out when she's happy that is. I mean she is excited and happy she goes for the eyeballs- so cute and painful.


Sitting up. She will not do tummy time anymore. She doesn't like feeling like a helpless little blob on the floor! Come on! I can sit up mom and be big and important and look around and be busy with more important matters with my toys.


New Stuff:

She is cutting 4 teeth. Did you get that? Not 1, not 2 but 4 teeth! And guess what? The amber teething necklaces REALLy do work. Like she isn't screaming in pain from FOUR teeth coming in. I mean WOW. I am a believer.

Rolling over!!! From tummy to back! She gets so happy and proud of herself.

Grant always says "Both fit!" I think when we bought this we weren't planning on fitting all the children on here but it helps G sleep even if E is fighting sleep off.

Mom's tip: bath the baby in the sink while you do dishes....uh....good idea but with little miss here that ain't going to happen! I spent all my time trying to contain all the water from being splashed EVERYWHERE! She is crazy in water!

Love those rolls.

"Selfie"

We got to watch a friend's baby! It was kind of fun pretending I had twins for a couple hours....as long as Jay was there. They were fun watching them interact and "talk" to each other.

Those beautiful blues. I adore having a blue-eyed baby.

So much personality! She is not content just being a baby. She is ready to be a big kid and run around- I can see her frustration at not being able to do things that she is seeing Grant do.

My Mom's Birthday Present

So my mom had this skirt.
Colorful with tropical print.
She says it reminded her of her mission.
I've seen her wear it countless times.

One day we were visiting and as I'm going through a bin of her clothes headed for DI she walks out with her arm extended gazing at her skirt.

"I've got to say good-bye to this" she states simply. "It just isn't 'stylish' anymore. I've loved this skirt....It reminds me of my mission (in Dominican Republic) but.....would you want it?" she glances over hopeful that the skirt will live on in the family.

"No" I tell her honestly. "I like it, but it fits your personality better than it would fit mine- I don't think I would wear it." I am hopeful she will keep it if she likes it so much. Oh well if it's not "stylish".

She tosses it into the pile with a big sigh and says, "I just don't wear it anymore!" and with that walks quickly away to resist the temptation to pick it up again because we all know that once it touches all the other DI clothes that you can never retrieve it again. That's it. The end.

I looked at the skirt and realized that her birthday was next week and I didn't have a lot to spend....hmm.....,


I took it home, cut it up and made:

A BAG!

When I presented it to her, I realized she might not be sure what to feel about her old skirt being cut up- and she was a little sad but it passed (thankfully whew!) and she was so excited about her new bag she could bring her weights in to go to the gym! I'm so happy she liked it! 

A few facts:

Totally made up pattern- uh...yah- I was kind of naive.

It took me a really long time- because I was also learning how to use my sewing machine- which by the way has the most confusing bobbin loading- took me ONE HOUR to figure that out. I hope it never runs out of bobbin thread again. That would be nice.

I added a beaded lanyard type thing with a hook to latch her keys on which looked super cute and I'm sad I didn't get a picture- next time I go down I will have to take one just for memory's sake. 

This was my first ever project I completed (that wasn't a school assignment back in high school)!

Grant modeled it for me:

Dad Baby E Mom Baby Picture also featuring Aunt Cassy

Hair: Mom
Eyebrows: Mom
Eyes: Dad
Nose: Mom
Ears: Looks like Mom
Mouth: Dad
Cheeks: Combo
Chin: Mom

She has her own look though- we get told a lot that she looks like me by non family.
My parents are convinced she is a little Cassy (my younger sister) with blue eyes. Her spirit is like Cassy's for sure- just fun and outgoing and full of joy! She moves her hands around when she gets excited and wants to be a part of everything going on.

Oh I found some pictures of Cass on fb- no baby pictures but here's my cute sister:

Very left- she's probably like 3? And our cute cousins on the right. M and H.

Very left again. Then there's Uncle Forrest, me, Grandpa and uncle Ward.

3 or 4 years I'm guessing- she is so cute.

She's 5 here- because aunt Bethany is pictured as the babe.

aunt bethany, me(starting my awkward teenage years), cassy, forrest and ward

me and cass with our bunny we named Crystal...found out later she was a male. So we nick-named him bun buns.

Senior Picture

Looking through Cassy's pictures made me really miss her. I can't wait to talk to her- Grant is here saying he wants to cook hotdogs in mountains with aunt Cassy when she gets back from Mexico.

E 6 Months

Personality:
Loves to laugh.
She will whip her head around as fast as a jack rabbit to see whoever is talking or making noise- she has to know what is going on ALL. THE. TIME.
So because of this, she all of sudden just hates sleeping during the day- if there is something going on (like Grant always screaming or laughing hysterically about nothing) then she doesn't want to cuddle up and go to sleep! No thanks mom! Hello- there is fun stuff going on and I gots to know about it and want to be apart of it.
And really, she's not too much of a grumpy pants when she hasn't slept much during the day so it's easy to kind of just let her be awake. a lot.

New Tricks:
Sitting on her own!
2 bottom teeth!
Skipping naps. Like she'll take 3 naps for 10 minutes each...this is not normal.

Sleep:
Good night sleeper still. Ah the bliss.
She goes to bed at 7:30 now and sleeps till 8:30. Wow. I mean that's a good chunk of sleep right there. She'll still wake up for comfort nursing a couple which I'm fine with especially because she sleeps soooo good.
But...naps. She is like I said above, just completely enthralled with life and having a good ol' time all the time so she will now nod off maybe 3-5 times during the day for a bare minimum of 15 minutes- sometimes a half hour. I mean it is WORK to get her to sleep. I think it's just her personality- she wants to be in the action- talking to people- she's social and fun and doesn't want to miss anything. Ever. She'll get sooo tired but still refuse. It's very new territory for me as a mom.

Nursing:
Are we still at war? Um...no? She is finally understanding that when I nurse her, that comfort and a full tummy comes after that. And her latch is wayyyyyy better than G ever was. I just realized that the other day while I was nursing- like *Ding* she latches really well- I never have to adjust her lips- I always fixed G's. Always. But I do have to say she is really rough. I mean G was always so gentle but she goes to town! I wonder if the bink has anything to do with this but girl! I get scared for my life sometimes and now she has teeth! I'm worried.

Favorites:
Her big brother! Jumping on the bed is the best to watch because she starts pumping her legs to join in when G is having a ball on there. She seriously can't wait to run and jump and be a part of it all.

Food! We started after the watermelon thing now at exactly 6 months I started giving her food. I cooked some carrots for her which she LOVED and let her go to town on some banana. I still love the book Baby Led Weaning and am trying it again where food right now is more for taste and texture than for nourishment. But she is super excited about this food thing and is a pro already at making a huge mess so here we go!

Me. She is super attached. Which is cute but I didn't expect it for some reason. Just one night I took G to bed and let dad rock the babe and she just bawled and bawled. Finally I emerged and she heard me and whipped her head around like "oh good. Oh mom. Oh mom. Finally you are here. Okay, I will sleep if you hold me. Oh much better." I mean dad was doing a really good job and being super wonderful but she just had to have mom. So same thing now when I randomly hand her off to someone so I can take care of my rambunctious toddler- she starts looking around with this pout that promises to explode to a full on terror cry if I don't hurry back. Though I must admit it makes me feel good to know she likes me. I mean I do spend a lot of time taking care of her so I'm glad she notices.

Esther's First Food: Watermelon

Well, it's happened. 

I couldn't really stop it.

Our summer afternoon snack has most often been watermelon.

We were all on the porch chair outside slurping and crunching our delicious cold watermelon when a chubby little hand reached out and snatched the rind right out of my grasp.

I figured she would have fun tasting it and it was nice and cold in the hot weather. I put her in Grant's chair and she discovered a watermelon rind. This is a moment you can't miss with a baby- their first time handling food. Can you imagine? The texture, taste, temperature, everything so new and exciting. 

Plus she's teething and I'm sure that felt good on her tender gums.

And in action:

If you don't want to watch the whole 2 minutes of ADORABLENESS you can listen to the best part which is Grant in the background copying exactly what I'm saying at :21 to :30.  I just keep listening to that- I can't believe I didn't hear that while I was recording but I am laughing over and over again just at that part.

Esther 5 Months

5 Months

Her ears. Oh those cute adorable ears.

We all talked about what animals each of us would be when we visited the zoo last time. The cutest little animal was the bat-eared fox. Seriously she's the bat-eared fox. I know she'll probably be self-conscious about those ears later oh but they just suit her and make her that much more adorable.

http://www.outdoorphoto.co.za/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=151338

Taken by Garr- good picture!

With Grandmama- who is very against binkies.... I was too, I was too- now I see the light. 

She loves seeing her great grandchildren.

Awwwwwwe.

Starting to like johnny jumpup

twirling and pictures to look at- fun stuff.

Sleeping?

• She's still pretty good. Sometimes she will wake up in the middle of the night.

Changes?

• Teeth!!! One of the bottom two just broke through- probably why her sleeping has changed a bit.

• Food! I let her try a watermelon the other day. She is always reaching for everything we are eating now. Oh boy here it comes...I don't think she's going to be as patient as Grant. She is eager. He was content with milk. She has more practice handling toys so she's capable of grabbing. She's only 5 months! I want to hold her back just a bit.

Cuteness level on a scale of 1 to 10?

• Obviously 10.

Sibling Relations:

• Darn it all- Grant is biting her fingers and throwing toys at her again. Do I need therapy? I am exasperated to say the least. I am at a loss. But, I am going to figure it out because I know these two are going to be best friends. I found some good mantras on tempers and beliefs and such and I am committed to changing something because I know this can be a peaceful experience- just need some adjustments. 

I love this girl. She is wonderful and beautiful and fun and she just is moving along growing up while I am trying to figure out so much in our lives. But time doesn't stop and she's going to keep growing.

I'll let you know how the mantras go :)