Mocking Laughs

Grant has this thing he does now.
He mocks.

We were shopping last week and this couple is talking hurriedly and you can see the steam coming out of their ears as they try to stay calm- whatever they were talking about was obviously very upsetting.
As they get closer, one of them laughs- a very fake exaggerated laugh- a mean laugh you could say.

Grant looks right at them as they are passing and copies exactly that laugh:
Loud and fake.
And he keeps laughing.

The couple stops in their tracks, right in front of Grant, astonished and stares blankly at him for a few seconds, then they burst out laughing too.

Everyone is laughing.

I think it might have helped the couple lighten up a bit;) Good one, G.



So he does this a lot. If he hears anyone laughing, he immediately does his loud, fake laugh.

It's fun having this kid around.

Oh Blessed Dishwasher

Have you heard the analogy of broken windows?

If you walk into a neighborhood and there is a broken window, everyone who passes that broken window is affected by it. It creates a mood and a feeling looking at something that is broken. Pretty soon, someone who was affected by the window now throws some trash on the street. The next person sees the trash and broken window and draws some graffiti on the wall. It goes on and on and keeps adding on and on.
The speaker on the radio whom was explaining this analogy to me then stated that we all have our broken windows that affect the rest of the day or how we feel about other things in our life.

"What is your broken window?" He urged us to make an effort to think about what it could be. He gave some examples: "Maybe it's the laundry, maybe it's the toys on the floor, or hastily running around without a plan for the day."

It didn't take me long to figure out what my "broken window" was.
Is.

The dishes.

We did not have a dishwasher in our basement apartment and sometimes I was able to keep up but guess what would happen?
The dirty dishes would sit there on the counter top in piles until I cleaned them. So I thought I would come up with a way not to stare at them. So I got some containers to put them in until I could wash them and put those under the sink. That worked for a day or so but then all of a sudden if I missed a day of dishes, the sink was full underneath and there were those dirty piles again!
It was the most frustrating thing and really was my broken window. I would look at those and it created a mood of chaos and having so much to do (even though mentally I knew it would only take 20-30 minutes to clean them). It still created this feeling inside me.

When we were looking for a place I just knew we had to have a dishwasher. We just had to. Well, we found a great, affordable, backyard included, nice apartment....but you got it: no dishwasher. I have been so determined somehow to make doing the dishes something that uplifts me: a few ideas included memorizing hymns, watching educational youtube videos, listening to music, having Grant help me with them (he loves standing on a chair and "helping").

Well, if I were to show you right now the piles of dirty dishes by my sink, you would be shocked. Seriously, I want to have a clean house, I really do- it's just those dishes eat at my soul. You don't have this same problem? Well, figure out what your "broken window" is and then imagine how you feel and are affected by it. Now you know what the dishes do to me. It is the most draining, awful thing I can ever imagine. And they never end. That's probably the worst part.

So, I told Jay we had to get a dishwasher. There are portable ones out there and we can look and see if any are in our price range. Uh, yah right! All of the ones we could see were so expensive and when you imagine a college kid, you know they are poor right? Well, we are a college family. Um, that pretty much means no funds for unnecessary purchases, even if it means fixing a broken window.

I just had to call and see if maybe we could get a cheaper one, even if it was far away. I called a few people who had sold their dishwashers and then I saw this ad for Provo. It said, "We don't care about the money, we just don't have room for it and don't need it."

I called and the young man explained that it was just him and his wife and they just never have enough dishes to fill it up. He said it worked and then he just randomly said, "You can just have it. If someone can come and get it, we'll just give it to you." I didn't barter, I didn't ask for a lower price- HE just said to take it.
Can you say "Tender mercies?"


My jaw dropped and I tried to stay calm but I was so happy. I don't think he will ever have any idea that he fixed my broken window and now I might be calmer and happier not having to look at a bunch of dirty dishes.

My kind brother and sister went and picked it up for me and it is sitting in my parent's garage right now. I cannot wait to get it up here! I have no idea how it's going to get up here, but it will make it. I'm sure somehow, it will find it's way.

In the meantime I feel a glimmer of hope that maybe I can keep up with the dishes and banish that feeling that I just can't keep up. I hope it fits in our kitchen. I hope it works. I hope it really does help my window. If not, at least it was free!!!! I'm ecstatic to try it out.

So now, I'm curious if everyone really does have that "broken window" in their life. That thing that brings negative feelings with it to you, even though it may seem like others aren't bothered by it. What is your "broken window" and how have you fixed it? Or what are you trying to do to fix it?

7 Peaks

I just realized it's a lot more of a challenge to take pictures if you are somewhere fun doing lots of activities. So I don't think I even have any pictures from yesterday.

I did bring my waterproof video camera though- but my computer doesn't let me load them onto youtube. In fact youtube hasn't been working for months on here so ...?

All I know is Grant has never had as much fun in his entire life.
We had a BLAST.

Lazy river, water playground. The dinosaurs! G does a really good growl noise for them.

Oh and best part?
The tidal wave pool.
With every wave pushing against him, he made a happy "AHH!" noise.

Oh wait, best, best part?
Trying to eat some random lady's toes.
Yes. That is a game we play at home and there were some toes just sitting there out of the water at the edge of the tidal wave pool and apparently Grant thought they looked delicious. So he started eating them.
We couldn't stop laughing.
We ended the night with my family meeting us at Zupas in SLC and had a delicious dinner.
What a fun, wonderful, summer day.


I'll post the vids when I figure out my computer:)

Co-Sleeping: Then vs. Now Beliefs

When we first began co-sleeping with our baby we were new and exhausted parents.

We said we'd give it a try and discuss how it was working for us as a family every so-often and re-adjust as we need.

It ended up being the biggest surprise that we were getting significantly more sleep.

The sleep training book we had read said you can "train" your baby to not want to eat in the middle of the night by just rocking the baby back to sleep and not nursing. The goal being sleep. Everyone needs sleep.

Every new mom is exhausted and all you want is to sleep, you start grasping at anything and everything to try. That's what I did anyway.

And back then I started reading all this stuff on how good it was for the baby to sleep near his mama- giving him comfort and security all through the night.

I read about different types of parenting and this co-sleeping fell perfectly into attachment parenting which is what we had followed not knowing that's what it was called.

I started seeing my baby so happy and we were happy because we got sleep.

I was able to continue breastfeeding when I knew others had struggled to keep their milk supply up. I think night-feeding really just kept the message to my body that I needed to continue making milk. I'm sure there are many things that are factored into this but that's just a benefit that could have been from night-feeding.

I watched as my baby became more independent- seriously just running off- could care less if I'm there. I was shocked the first time that happened at church and someone said, "It's when they feel safe that they do that". So I watch as he feels safe and secure.

I'm not going to lie- I thought I had it all figured out.
Why doesn't everyone do this?
Why does our culture make it seem so wrong to have your baby in your bed?
Why is it hard to believe that it could actually make your relationship with your spouse better? I mean you're getting sleep!
Why are the statistics skewed to make it seem "dangerous". That's what had scared me at first- that I would roll on my baby. I am very confident to say I am very aware of him. And really the co-sleeping death statistics that happen are if you are drugged or overweight or doing it improperly (ie. a couch or arm chair).

So here I was thinking really I did have it all figured out. This was heaven. And when I would tell people this way of sleeping together, they would tell me things to discourage this seemingly perfect solution to sleep and breast-feeding. It felt so normal and natural and it was working. We had to make adjustments, sure- don't you anyway when you have a child? But I was just so surprised that this wonderful natural way could be seen so drastically different by others.
I think I started thinking: I know the way. It's this way of sleeping- I mean look how happy my baby is.

Then, life happens.
And all of a sudden I am humbled so so so humbled.
G got sick and then I got sick then G fell and hurt his leg then we moved.
And while I didn't change the night-time sleeping together as a family situation- a lot of other things changed with the way I "managed" things. I was doing things that I never thought I would do: buying fast, pre-packaged foods, watching TV and movies all day long and not getting things done. I felt like a big fat failure. I knew better yet I just couldn't do it.  And my milk started declining probably with all the stress and it felt like the end of the world.

All of a sudden I really could see clearly.
I could see myself in all the other moms out there who didn't maybe do things the way I had "figured out" was the "best" way.
We as mothers want the best for our children and give it all to them.
We give everything we have and even if we know our child shouldn't watch TV all day, there literally is no other option when we don't have anything else left inside.
We will do anything for them. Anything that we know how to do and can do and that works for our family.

I can see now that co-sleeping wouldn't work for every family and situation. We all live such different lives in different worlds really. And I met a friend who wanted so badly to breast-feed but her baby just couldn't handle it. It hurt the baby. She went off of everything that she loved and regularly ate and still the baby suffered. For three months they watched as the baby screamed and screamed. So finally she switched to formula and guess what? Her baby calmed down and didn't have the stomach issues that she had before.

I never went through that. Yes, G had colic but I learned quick that chocolate upset him and I just had to be careful what I was eating. It was difficult to learn the latch and all but hearing her story just made me wonder if I would have even tried sticking it out as long as she did. Just like I'm sure there are a ton of other things that I am not facing or going through in my life that others are in their family situations.

So while I am proud and will always praise co-sleeping for my family because it has been the greatest blessing and biggest comfort for us, I know that it will not always be for everyone.

Everyone does the best they can in the circumstances they have and just because I believe children feel more secure co-sleeping doesn't mean that another family isn't better at making their children feel more secure in other ways that I might be lacking in. All in all whatever I believe I am grateful to have my beliefs now and not be afraid that it's different. I'm grateful that I get a chance to be a mom and try things the way I feel will be good for my children while someone else gets the same opportunity to grow and love a little person more than herself.

And I see other families with happy children that do not co-sleep. They are loved and cherished and I see that.

I know mothers love their children and when it comes down to it that's what matters. So I might make mistakes and maybe I'm doing something where someone else would say there is a better way but if I'm doing the best I can and loving my children that's all I can do.

And the best part?
Knowing that God loves my baby too.
More than I could even imagine.
So when I don't do everything right, I know he's there to love my child and guide him too.
Somehow, in the end, if you do your best that's all that matters.

And I love this quote, sorry I forgot where I read it and I'll probably butcher it but the message is there- I always turn to it when I'm feeling like I'm failing:

"Always give your best. Some days your best will be 100%. Days when you are ill your best may only be 60%, but it's your best. Just always give your best."

A Few Words On The Move

A few words here to describe the moving process:

Croup
Coughing
Dragging
No energy
So much stuff!
Long
Poor Jay
Grant falling from platform
Hurt

No broken bones- thankful
Help from family.
Two trucks and trailers.
New place
Smaller but has windows, light!!!
Backyard for Grant to run


So Jay is finishing up his job in these next few days so we are staying with my parents. Hopefully Wednesday we will have all lose ends tied up and sleep in our new place. And this will all be OVER!

It's bitter sweet.
We have loved our neighbors and our ward and friends we made here. We are sad to be leaving them but there are so many things to look forward to.

The things that stand out to me at this moment that I'm excited for are:

• Backyard area for G to run around and play! Hallelujah! And kids everywhere for little friends- he just loves being with other people.
• I am so ecstatic about the windows! We will have some sunlight and when Jay calls from work for his lunch call my first question won't be, "What's the weather like?"
• Free community classes- I hope I can take a sewing class or wood working- some sort of skill so I can make things from scratch! I would love that.
• Free bus- cool, don't have to pay for gas most of the time- I think G and I will figure out how to use the bus to get to the library! Sounds like an adventure.
• I am excited to be around young moms like me. I think it will be fun to be in a community like that.
• Farmer's markets
• Community garden

Good-bye basement!!!!

The Trickster in the Night

Jay was taking his turn rocking the baby to bed the other night and some nights are kind of tricky.
Grant sometimes just doesn't want to sleep.
He'll point at the stars on the ceiling and ask for the parent who is currently not rocking him.

On this particular night Jay sighed in relief as Grant became calm and still in his arms, his hands covering his face comfortably snug.

Imagine Jay's surprise when 2 minutes later, a seemingly sleeping peaceful baby uncovered his face and said, "Peek-a-Boo!" with a glint in his eye.

Jay was fooled.
Good one Grant.

Summer Updates...Splash Pad, Independence Day, Colonial Days

Splash Pad in Provo: 

Good because:

It is HOT outsid- splashing in water feels gooooood.

Free!

Lots of kids to play with!

He didn't know what to think.

He made his "This-is-new-and-strange-face" but did try touching the water a few times.

He started having fun when a 5 year old came by and dumped a water bottle full of water on his head. He bawled. I told the 5 year old not to do that. He said "okay". Kids just don't know sometimes.

 We love the park! The park by us is so nice and shaded- G loves climbing the stairs. It's his favorite thing.

His new trick is putting his head through the top bars and stepping up and down like a "big person" does.

He never looks down to where he's going- he always stares straight ahead and  "feels-it-out".

Another fav past time at the park. Bark piles at the bottom of slides.

Seriously he spends at least 1/2 his time at the park doing this activity.

Beautiful trees and wonderful shade.

 Independence Day: we went to the parade. G made his "this-is-new-and-weird" face pretty much the entire time until the marching bands came by and we danced with him.

Are you happy? It's just all so new.

Dancing with dad and eating banana.

When he gets sweaty- I feel bad- maybe I should cut his hair- but the sweat makes his hair so neat! Such a great style don't you think?

 We both blinked so I had to put this up- see we totally look alike!

there we go.

He's so happy. And long- I just can't believe how he's thinning and lengthening. Growing all the time.

cute boys, cute!

Awwww! I just love out little family!

We also attended Colonial Days- so so so neat. The first booth we stopped for over an hour and just chatted with this couple (well, Jay took Grant to the park after a bit so I could talk to the wife). She grows and dries all her own herbs and uses them for medicinal healing! What an amazing person! I am hoping I can attend her class when it comes up. I love learning about this and to meet this lady who has been doing this for over 30 years and just hear her knowledge and stories- I could have stayed there all day!

Add caption

Fun Day!!!