On Eating and Such....I'm Still Learning...Humble Mom Post

Ever since the hospital I have been the most devoted mom ever in feeding my little guy. 


In case there is any doubt:

Proof of devoted feeding: 7 pounds at birth, 12.5 pounds at 6ish weeks.

But now things are finally starting to click and I wonder why nobody told me a few things here! Why hadn't I read things before the baby was born? I had prepared so faithfully for labor and that is really all that occupied my time.

I had prepared for the wedding but not the marriage...at least that's what I am comparing it to. I prepared for the "big day", the birth, and that was really all that was on my mind. Yes, I got things I thought I would need for the babe and prepared with stuff for his arrival but I had never picked up a breastfeeding book or cared to figure that out until I started breastfeeding.

The book we got from our doctor talks about breastfeeding and says things like, "When your baby is hungry, he'll let you know...He will stop when he is full....Offer the breast before he starts crying when you see the hunger cues..." etc, etc.

I really took the attitude that my baby knows when he is hungry and will let me know. I will feed him when he shows signs of hunger. I want him to feel safe and secure and know that he's needs are being met.

So after the baby went from 7 pounds at birth to 6 pounds, 5 ounces leaving the hospital.  Everyone (as in the doctor, midwife, nurses, family) told me to follow this method of feeding-just offer the breast whenever he looks hungry.

When we went in for our two week checkup he had surpassed his birth weight and was at 8 pounds 2 ounces. We were ecstatic! And the doctor said I was doing everything wonderfully and to keep doing what I was doing. I felt so good. It had been so hard but I felt like I was being a good mom by feeding him so much and having him gain all that healthy weight.

We were champions, my little guy and me! I was doing something right!

His "super hero" pose- he does this all the time.

Then...last night....I was hit.
No smashed.
No smashed, then stomped and then smeared onto the ground.

I visited with a friend who had a baby 3 weeks ago and with us chatting was her mother.
My friend had tried to breastfeed but the baby wouldn't latch after having formula at the hospital so she stuck with the formula. She seemed to be doing great and I was just excited to go over and meet her baby and show her mine and just talk about new motherhood.

What I didn't expect was her mother with all her opinions and bluntness.


The mother went off about how I was setting him up for eating patterns later and she had her handy dandy math equation on how much my baby should be eating throughout the day and on and on.

Every word felt like someone was pulling my heart out and telling me I was a bad mother. I honestly felt so small and felt like my world was coming apart. Here I was day in and day out just trying to keep my baby happy and fed and I was doing everything I knew how to do- I was doing what the doctor said to do: to keep doing what I was doing, which was feeding on demand whenever he looked hungry, and was trying so hard. I am tired and this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and I have given everything to the baby- all my energy to him. I have let really everything else go as I give all my love and devotion to the little guy and to hear someone saying that I was doing something wrong felt like everything I had been doing wasn't worth dirt and that I was a horrible person.
I was devastated to say the least.
And I was angry too. How dare she!?!!! Just to have it so bluntly shoved in my face and down my throat that someone knows better than me felt like someone had just made me swallow a knife which cut me up but still let me live. I was livid and broken inside. Okay drama queen but really I have never felt that way before.

It was like slaving away at something, giving your all- 110% and being so proud of what you have accomplished, excited to show everyone what you have done, what you have accomplished. Here I was ready to show my beautiful boy and awe at my friend's new little one and instead I was getting a lecture on what I was doing wrong and I felt that my baby nor me deserved any love or celebration.

It was the worst feeling in the whole entire world and I hope I forget it.

On the way home I bawled to Jay and angrily described the events of the visit with him. I was fuming and spurting off flames and waterfalls.

After I got over my anger a little bit I wondered if there could be truth to anything she had said. I decided to look up the link to the article they had sent to my phone.

I began really wanting to know if there was something I was doing wrong. I want what is best for my baby and honestly I do want to know what is going on with him and if I should change something.



This is what I "knew"(thought I knew):

-the doctor told me at the 2 week checkup that I was doing awesome and to keep doing what I was doing.
-that I should feed on demand because that's what I had been doing for 2 weeks.
-that a baby will tell you when he is hungry.
-that I did not want nipple confusion so I did not want to introduce the binky!
-I wanted to continue breastfeeding.
-my baby was extremely fussy and gassy, probably that is how all babies are? I have never had one before- I thought maybe this was just the way it was- maybe it was colic? I was changing my diet constantly trying to figure out what could be upsetting his stomach.
-I literally was feeding/burping/changing all day. I honestly didn't have time or energy left at the end of the day.

What I wish someone would have told me: 

-for the first few weeks, you should be feeding your baby on demand- they need to gain their weight back up and you need to establish your milk supply.
-After your baby is eating well and your milk supply is good then notice the following:
if your baby is gassy/fussy and has green poop then you may have a case of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance.
-Sometimes babies will need to suck for comfort but they aren't really hungry. First try to soothe other ways if you know your baby has just eaten in the past hour- then offer the breast.
-Don't worry about the hindmilk. They will get it once your milk supply has evened off to be what the baby needs because it will adjust to what you are doing. The more the baby sucks=the more milk you produce.

I really honestly believed that if the baby showed signs of hunger (rooting, slugging their cheek, etc) then they were hungry and I thought my baby would be in pain (hunger pain) if I didn't feed him when he showed he was "hungry". I wish I had known about these soothing techniques that I am now learning about in this book my cousin Brooke lent me :The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight.

1. Swaddle

2. Swing/sway

3. Side holding

4. Shh-shhing

5. Sucking (binky)

I cannot say enough of how much I absolutely love these ideas and techniques and it has helped me gain so much confidence that I can give my baby comfort without feeding and really take care of his needs. Also it couldn't have come at a more perfect time because I know my baby is getting enough food and can eat and I can produce milk and now I am learning how much babies need to sleep and how important it is for them to get some good sleep and establish some rituals or routines to help with the process. Also it gives you ages of the baby and tells you what is needed for the age of the baby and what to kind of expect while they are growing during those weeks.

Everyone wakes up every two hours but we don't remember most of the time because we are that good at self-soothing and just going right back to sleep, making it difficult to remember in the morning if we did wake up a few times. Babies don't know really how to put themselves to sleep- to self-soothe and I've always been against the "let them cry it out" method- I hate that! This shows you how you can coach your baby to learn how to self soothe and fall asleep without too many tears.

Now:

I now feed him every 3-5 hours (it varies sometimes) but now I have learned how to really meet his needs better and I was worried I wasn't going to know when he's hungry but I know. He has a "angry suck" on his binky and I can usually guesstimate with how much time has passed if he truly is hungry.  He is so much happier and hardly has those gassy problems. He still has his fussiness times and now this seems more normal- what a normal baby would probably act like. I am so relieved. he looks healthier too-not so bloated.   He is such a happy baby and really has just needed comfort (other than eating comfort) and more sleep. I couldn't have imagined it could be this easy.

We have a bedtime routine that starts around 8 where we give him a bath, baby massage, feed and sing to him while we rock in the rocking chair. I then put him in his bassinet when he is drowsy but still aware. The book says if a 1 is wide awake and a 10 is deep sleep, you put them down at an 8.  It has been working marvelously. And you really don't have to be perfect- just consistent and not every time they fall asleep but at least one nap and at bedtime.

As I am typing this up he started to wake up in his bassinet downstairs- I have the baby monitor- and I heard him making some noise and now he is quiet again! He put himself to sleep. This so works. I can totally do this and I can totally have a life again while enjoying my baby! I am ecstatic.

All in All

I could beat myself up that I was feeding him too much and not giving him the binky and thinking I could just instinctively know what to do (I have, it's hard not too!) But really I did the best I could with the knowledge I did have and now I have more knowledge so now I can do better. This was a great lesson that I can keep myself open to suggestions, then choose what feels right with my child.

Thanks for the book Brooke! I still don't know if I can go up to my friend's mother and thank her for making me feel like a horrible person, but I know I can thank her for helping me see that I don't know what I'm doing and I do need help sometimes. I am grateful to have a healthy, happy baby and hope I can continue to use other mother's and their wisdom on how to raise a newborn.

 I am now officially welcoming anything that you wish you had known that you now know that you would like a new mom to know.

Ready. Go. ;)